Introducing Snek Dip!

I'm pretty sure Mrs. Bailey thinks I'm nuts

I’m generally averse to taxation, as I imagine most people are, but I’m especially averse to so called ‘Sin Taxes.’

Sin taxes are immoral because they are regressive. Regressive because they hit the people who can least afford to pay them harder than anyone else.

As a quick example, using made up (but not too far off numbers) let’s say that we have two men who smoke cigarettes. Two packs a day each. And let’s say that the taxes are $5 per pack. That’s $10 per day, 365 days a year, or $3650 in sin tax for each man each year.

Let’s say that one of the men makes $120,000 per year, so that’s not a terribly significant hit to his family budget or their way of life.

But let’s say that the other man works full time at the Washington State minimum wage. He will make $34,652 per year. That $3650 in cigarette taxes will significantly impact his family and way of life.

It is not reasonable, or moral, that the poorest among us are asked to pay a larger percentage of their income in taxes than the wealthiest of us. But, that’s exactly the impact sin taxes have. (Perhaps important to this discussion, Washington State has some of the highest sin taxes in the nation.)

Public Domain Image, Wikimedia Commons

It’s no secret that I like to cook. I’ve certainly done an awful lot of cooking for Masonic events through the years.

So, sin taxes bug me.

And I like to cook.

Given those two things, what could be better than whipping up some home crafted dipping tobacco in the kitchen while Melinda is off at work?

And what could possibly be better than naming my creation Snek Dip, in honor of our modern and modified Gadsden Flag, “No Step On Snek?” Perfect I say! Don’t be steppin’ on me with your sin taxes man!

An excellent plan all around! Even if Melinda seemed a bit horrified when learning of it.

Here’s my experience from this morning…

Step one, gotta slide on east to either Kentucky or Tennessee in order to snag the right tobacco. For dip, we are talking about Dark Fired tobacco. The stuff hung up in the rafter of barns, dried over a low smoky fire. Think low and slow BBQ, but with big tobacco leaves instead of beef brisket. That very same smoky goodness!

Don’t be usin’ any other kinds of tobacco to make dip. It won’t work. All that other stuff is for cigarettes, or cigars, or pipe tobacco. Or chew. Good old fashioned chew is made out of those old burleys, virginias, and the like. If you want dip, it has to be dark fired, and that only comes from Kentucky and Tennessee. (OK, OK, darn it, Latakia from the Middle East is also smoked, but that isn’t the same thing at all. Mighty good though, not much better in the world than a pipe filled with an English Mixture heavy on the Latakia, but ya can’t make dip with it!)

Once you’ve got a big ol’ pile of really heavily smoked tobacco leaves, you’ve got to rip the main stem out of them. Not hard. Don’t leave ‘em laying around when you’re done, your dog’ll probably eat ‘em, and probably croak. Throw those stems away responsibly. (Or grind ‘em into powder to create dry snuff, but I don’t imagine many people snort tobacco nowadays.)

Now you’ve got two big halves of a tobacco leaf, a few inches wide, and longer than your forearm. Somehow you’ve got to get these things cut down to your preferred texture and consistency. Which of course for dip means really, really small pieces.

After quite a bit of reading, I decided to use an antique hand operated meat grinder.

It worked well. But good lord it was a lot of work. That stuff does not go through an antique meat grinder easily! My arm is plenty sore from all the handle turning. I see a modern food processor in my future.

I ran it through once, but thought the texture felt a bit rough so decided to run it all through a second time. Just like a good butcher will run his hamburger through the machine twice.

That second pass was a mistake.

The final consistency after the second pass is somewhere between that of Copenhagen Snuff and Swedish style Snus. Cut too small for my personal preference.

It did feel perfect to my fingers while I was running it through the second time, I presume this was because the leaves are largely dry, while of course the finished dip is quite moist. So that’s probably what threw me off.

No worries, next time I’ll just run it through once for a slightly longer cut.

Then comes the cookin’ part!

OK, now in all honesty, there isn’t any cooking of the dip going on.

Most recipes online include a long cooking period, but those are incorrect. Cooking is how Swedish style Snus is made. American style dip is not cooked. Nothing at all wrong with Swedish Snus of course, I enjoy it on occasion, but that’s not what I’m going for.

What we do cook is some Arm & Hammer Baking Soda (Sodium Bicarbonate) to convert it to Sodium Carbonate. Quick and easy, but this should be done in an oven safe glass dish.

Then we’ve got to make the goop.

2 parts water.

2 parts whiskey. (The recipe I sort of followed called for Scotch. I used American and am glad I did. The finished dip is extremely smoky, Scotch would have been a bit too much.)

1 part Kosher Salt.

1 part Sodium Carbonate.¹

Mix it all together as best able. It doesn’t mix perfectly.

Then add it, very slowly, a little bit at a time to the tobacco. Mixing and kneading it in until the tobacco reaches the correct amount of moisture for dip. If you’ve dipped for a while you’ll know this instinctually as you manipulate the tobacco. I ended up adding the goop one spoonful at a time so as to not overdo it.

When you think you’ve got it right, compress it down in the bowl with a spoon, then take a pinch. If you can get the pinch you want, you are golden. If not, add a bit more goop until you can.

Now here’s where I’ve got to give you a bit of a warning.

Something happens when the goop mixes with the tobacco. Some kind of chemical reaction I suppose. It lets off the most ungodly powerful smell. Standing over that mixing bowl, I was pretty sure I could tip over and die.

No worries, I threw a dish towel over the mixing bowl and let it sit for about half of an hour. Then I stirred it, put the dish towel over it again and let it sit for about the same amount of time.

That smell dissipated within an hour.

It was the moment of truth.

I snagged a pinch, slid that baby between cheek and gum.

And it was good! Quite excellent actually! Real dip, honestly really good dip.

The recipe I followed indicated that it would taste exactly like Copenhagen Snuff. It doesn’t. It’s different, quite a lot smokier in taste than my beloved Copenhagen.

Best I can describe it is, if Copenhagen is a fine Kentucky Bourbon, Cameron’s home crafted Snek Dip is a Single Malt Islay Scotch. It be smoky! But good smoky! Like a really fine Mezcal served in the Opera Bar late at night, right in the heart of Mexico City.

I was concerned, when mixing the goop that the dip might end up too salty. The primary reason I prefer American style dip to Swedish Snus is the amount of salt flavor in the stuff from Sweden. It’s just too darn salty for me. Some of Melinda’s people are from Sweden, so I know from experience that they do love their salt.

But Cameron’s home crafted Snek Dip doesn’t have that heavy salt flavor, so that’s really great. (This could be because I used Kosher Salt instead of the Table Salt called for in the recipe I sort of followed. Kosher Salt’s large grains mean more air in a given measure, so less salt flavor.)

All in all, I’m pleased as punch. The flavor is excellent, the nicotine level seems right, and the taste lasts a good long time.

I’ll drag it around with me for daily use in my stainless steel snus cans from Finland. The rest is sealed in bags held in the freezer, which is how I store all of my dip.

My only gripe is that the cut is too small. Next time I’ll only run it through once. Of course that’ll also result in significantly less work, so a win/win.

There is no sugar or flavoring beyond salt in this dip. I’ve always been a plain dip kind of guy. To make Wintergreen or what have you, the recipe would remain the same, just with some food grade Wintergreen flavoring and sugar or another sweetening agent added.

If you’re a fellow dipper, next time we’re sitting together in Lodge, hit me up for a pinch of this fine Snek Dip! I’ll be curious what you think.

If you aren’t a dipper, remember that it’s never too late to start, and the State will love having you paying some more sin taxes.

All in all, a truly fine experiment, I got to do some creative cooking today, all while stickin’ it to the man with his immoral sin taxes.

1. I’ve got to use the old line here:

Don’t try this at home.

Nicotine is a very powerful poison in high enough quantities. Sodium Carbonate added to tobacco drastically increases the bioavailability of nicotine when used orally. Don’t poison yourself!

Remember as well, when messing with tobacco leaves, you will be absorbing nicotine through your skin. Don’t poison yourself!

Be careful out there, don’t try this at home. Or as Ralphie’s mother would say, “you’ll shoot your eye out.”