Most Worshipful Sir, I really have to wonder how lodges get that way. Very sad.
A good friend of mine (from 4th grade) always says what his mother taught him and his siblings: "It's nice to be important but it's much more important to be nice." And my daughter's HS band teacher always taught his students: "People don't care what you know until they know that you care." Two very simple lessons that can make the world of difference.
I love my Brothers and I look forward to seeing them at our regularly stated meetings. But I'm always at least interested, and at times fascinated, when I meet and learn something about a new or visiting Brother. High on my list of the benefits of Masonry is that I now have relationships with a diverse range of good men who I'd have no other opportunity to meet. I welcome more of the same.
I agree with you about the enjoyment of meeting new men. When I think about it, one of the very greatest joys of my Masonic career has been the ability to meet so many interesting and diverse people. I feel like I've been able to build relationships in every little corner of our state, around our nation and beyond. My life would be poorer without those relationships.
I will say though, that years ago, when I was just a brand spankin new Mason, my Lodge was one of the unwelcoming ones. It wasn't that anyone wanted to be unwelcoming, or was against meeting new folks, it was just that some pretty strong cliques had developed. People sat with and talked with their little group and didn't look beyond it. As a Mason who had moved into the area and needed a new Lodge to join, it was tough.
I presume that this general unfriendliness had slowly developed over time, but it didn't last long. The Lodge realized what was happening, discussed it, and made specific plans about how to make it better. These plans included things like changing the arrangement of the tables so that everyone sat together at one big table, designating a specific person to greet visitors the moment they hit the door, with a second person designated to pick up where he left off. Things of that nature. It completely changed the feel of the Lodge, and I don't imagine that anyone who visited today would ever imagine how it was years ago.
Most Worshipful, I was getting gas at Costco the other day and saw that the car next to me had a masonic license plate so I greeted the gentleman as a brother and asked what lodge he was from because I did not recognize him from my district. He barked back at me that I wasn't his brother and it was none of my business. I was quite surprised by his reaction. Had he gets me this way in a lodge I definitely would not go back to the lodge.
I'm very sorry to hear about that. I've never experienced a reaction like what you did.
I very rarely leave the house without wearing something Masonic and over the years that has resulted in a lot of Masons introducing themselves to me. I've always thought that was quite neat and can't imagine being put-off by a fellow Mason greeting me.
Clearly the man you encountered has no understanding of Freemasonry, nor the meaning of the Obligations he took.
WB David, I am also sorry about this Brother’s response. Especially when he went through the effort to purchase Masonic License plates for his vehicle.
I read your comment a couple of times, and from my experience, it reminds me of many active Masons from when I joined in the 1990’s. I joined Tenino No. 86, whose members I had known since I was in my early teens, some since I was a child. So when I joined, these older, active members kind of “adopted” me as their “grandson.” They were very helpful, but also made sure I did the work, and they didn’t do it for me. It is a primary reason why I’m so active in the Fraternity to this day.
But at the same time, the surrounding Lodges weren’t nearly as accommodating. They thought I was a nice kid, but they treated each other very gruffly and heavy-handed. At times, I felt I was in an oasis in the middle of a bad storm. Things changed pretty quickly by the early 2000’s, and while it wasn’t overnight, the Lodges in my district got better in the gruffness. I hate to say it, but one of the main reasons why that was true was the cynical saying, “Change comes, one funeral at a time.” As these gruff old curmudgeons passed, the tension in the meetings softened. The brothers felt freer to enjoy fellowship. It is bittersweet that many of these curmudgeons had passed, though, because many, if not most of them actually had good intentions for the craft, but just didn’t have people skills, and were more of a detriment than an asset, overall. Most unfortunate.
Change comes, one funeral at a time. When you think about it, that applies to all of us. We all make a difference in others’ lives. Therefore, let us remember the phrase used when we install the Worshipful Master, “rising to imminence by merit, we may Live Respected and Die Regretted.”
I know a lot of people may not like my response to this. It doesn't apply universally, but I think I've seen enough of it to be able to voice an opinion, as limited as it has been.
I firmly believe that as a fraternity there was a generation that "lost" their way. Whether it was lack of a guard at the west gate, or not truly understanding the concepts they were taught (if they were taught at all) but there were a number of men I've encountered from this generation that, to put it bluntly, were just assholes. Just mean spirited jerks. I'll give a couple of examples of men I've encountered that exhibited this trend.
The first one, Carl, was a past master of his lodge, and he loved masonry. He was a leader and worked hard at supporting his lodge. He was also gruff, opinionated, and not afraid to voice his opinions. His style of leadership was dictatorial. He called other masons "phony masons" to their face because they didn't expend as much time or effort as he did. He singlehandedly drove away the vast majority of the men from the lodge, and was probably the biggest single reason why that lodge eventually died.
The second story I have is about a man who faithfully came to lodge every weekend to cook the breakfasts the lodge served to the community. He did all the cooking, and did a great job. He never came to lodge meetings however (he was retired and had the time to do so), I guess he felt his contributions were enough. We were having a group PiLM training session on a saturday at the lodge in the banquet room. There were about 5-6 of us at one of the dining tables with TSW, LOH and WMC all spread out and we were enjoying coffee and donuts and half studying and half socializing.
Well, this brother came in to prep for the next day's breakfast, cooking up the bacon and sausage and was visibly upset at our being there. He was banging his utensils, pots and pans around, making things very difficult for us to do our studying, all the while with a huge scowl on his face. Here we were, a group of young masons along with the district deputy trying to better ourselves, and this man, a lifelong mason, was treating us like we were shit.
I have many more examples of some of the men of the boomer generation who, in my opinion, don't "get it". Now, obviously, I can also trot out a huge list of men who do, but I think the bad apples are more than enough to have made the rest look bad. I don't know if it was just that particular generation, a failure of the previous generation to teach them correctly, or what, but I think it had enough of an impact that drove a lot of good men away.
I'd also like to add that these men thought they were good masons, and that their intentions were for the good of masonry. In Carl's case, he was in his mind morally right, that was he said and did was an attempt to get the lodge to do better. Evil people don't think they are evil. They think their cause is just.
A single Mason, behaving poorly on a consistent basis, can certainly drive ten or more good Masons out of a Lodge.
We must recognize that Freemasonry will never grow by admitting every man who wants to be a Mason into our Ancient Craft. It will grow if we only admit suitable men to it. For good and suitable men will attract others like them. Unsuitable, mean men, will drive them away in droves.
Hi I am from the UK East Kent. I have been a Mason for 9 years and I have to say that it can be the same over here. Some times it seems to be old guard against the new Brothers coming into the Lodge. If you don't make people welcome or don't help them learn the different jobs in the lodge even if it's the LOI evenings they will get up and leave let new brothers have a chance to learn a job ask them round for coffee come round and learn the words don't just blank them every evening they turn up.
Every Lodge needs new people to come here in or your Lodge will die off.
I suppose that it is human nature everywhere that causes these sorts of behaviors, but as Freemasons, it is I think, our duty to try and overcome these impulses. Certainly doing so would improve our Lodge's future prospects, but even more importantly, improve our own characters.
Hello I think you are right about it being human nature but like to think that we can all be better people. In my Lodge we were going hold a BBQ with another Lodge who use the same hall out of some 90 people only about 8 said they would come and so it was cancelled so I said to Lodge on what's app guys you can come round to my house have some coffee a glass of wine cake and have some cake only two said yes which I think is very poor.
I think that you need to be Brothers and Friends to make it work. There are people who just turn up and don't play a part in the Lodge but will always want help from the Lodge who hold out their hold and take the money as it were. I just hope more young guys come in and stay and then pass down what has been passed down to them.
To me being a Brother is a way of life but not every brother feels the same.
I think that sometimes, when it comes to special events, we just have to keep pushing it.
I remember when I was WM we came up with lots of ideas for interesting events, like your BBQ. At least at one of them, myself and my Senior Warden were the only ones who actually showed up.
When we had something though, we carried on as if it were a great success, even if it wasn't. We'd post on Facebook about how much fun it was, tell people that they missed something great. Talk about it in Lodge.
After three years of that, all of the events became extremely well attended. Some of them went from abject failure to roaring success.
At least here, Masons are generally very resistant to change. But when we kept doing it, and talking about how much fun it was, they eventually all came around.
Most Worshipful Sir, I really have to wonder how lodges get that way. Very sad.
A good friend of mine (from 4th grade) always says what his mother taught him and his siblings: "It's nice to be important but it's much more important to be nice." And my daughter's HS band teacher always taught his students: "People don't care what you know until they know that you care." Two very simple lessons that can make the world of difference.
I love my Brothers and I look forward to seeing them at our regularly stated meetings. But I'm always at least interested, and at times fascinated, when I meet and learn something about a new or visiting Brother. High on my list of the benefits of Masonry is that I now have relationships with a diverse range of good men who I'd have no other opportunity to meet. I welcome more of the same.
I agree with you about the enjoyment of meeting new men. When I think about it, one of the very greatest joys of my Masonic career has been the ability to meet so many interesting and diverse people. I feel like I've been able to build relationships in every little corner of our state, around our nation and beyond. My life would be poorer without those relationships.
I will say though, that years ago, when I was just a brand spankin new Mason, my Lodge was one of the unwelcoming ones. It wasn't that anyone wanted to be unwelcoming, or was against meeting new folks, it was just that some pretty strong cliques had developed. People sat with and talked with their little group and didn't look beyond it. As a Mason who had moved into the area and needed a new Lodge to join, it was tough.
I presume that this general unfriendliness had slowly developed over time, but it didn't last long. The Lodge realized what was happening, discussed it, and made specific plans about how to make it better. These plans included things like changing the arrangement of the tables so that everyone sat together at one big table, designating a specific person to greet visitors the moment they hit the door, with a second person designated to pick up where he left off. Things of that nature. It completely changed the feel of the Lodge, and I don't imagine that anyone who visited today would ever imagine how it was years ago.
Most Worshipful, I was getting gas at Costco the other day and saw that the car next to me had a masonic license plate so I greeted the gentleman as a brother and asked what lodge he was from because I did not recognize him from my district. He barked back at me that I wasn't his brother and it was none of my business. I was quite surprised by his reaction. Had he gets me this way in a lodge I definitely would not go back to the lodge.
I'm very sorry to hear about that. I've never experienced a reaction like what you did.
I very rarely leave the house without wearing something Masonic and over the years that has resulted in a lot of Masons introducing themselves to me. I've always thought that was quite neat and can't imagine being put-off by a fellow Mason greeting me.
Clearly the man you encountered has no understanding of Freemasonry, nor the meaning of the Obligations he took.
WB David, I am also sorry about this Brother’s response. Especially when he went through the effort to purchase Masonic License plates for his vehicle.
I read your comment a couple of times, and from my experience, it reminds me of many active Masons from when I joined in the 1990’s. I joined Tenino No. 86, whose members I had known since I was in my early teens, some since I was a child. So when I joined, these older, active members kind of “adopted” me as their “grandson.” They were very helpful, but also made sure I did the work, and they didn’t do it for me. It is a primary reason why I’m so active in the Fraternity to this day.
But at the same time, the surrounding Lodges weren’t nearly as accommodating. They thought I was a nice kid, but they treated each other very gruffly and heavy-handed. At times, I felt I was in an oasis in the middle of a bad storm. Things changed pretty quickly by the early 2000’s, and while it wasn’t overnight, the Lodges in my district got better in the gruffness. I hate to say it, but one of the main reasons why that was true was the cynical saying, “Change comes, one funeral at a time.” As these gruff old curmudgeons passed, the tension in the meetings softened. The brothers felt freer to enjoy fellowship. It is bittersweet that many of these curmudgeons had passed, though, because many, if not most of them actually had good intentions for the craft, but just didn’t have people skills, and were more of a detriment than an asset, overall. Most unfortunate.
Change comes, one funeral at a time. When you think about it, that applies to all of us. We all make a difference in others’ lives. Therefore, let us remember the phrase used when we install the Worshipful Master, “rising to imminence by merit, we may Live Respected and Die Regretted.”
I know a lot of people may not like my response to this. It doesn't apply universally, but I think I've seen enough of it to be able to voice an opinion, as limited as it has been.
I firmly believe that as a fraternity there was a generation that "lost" their way. Whether it was lack of a guard at the west gate, or not truly understanding the concepts they were taught (if they were taught at all) but there were a number of men I've encountered from this generation that, to put it bluntly, were just assholes. Just mean spirited jerks. I'll give a couple of examples of men I've encountered that exhibited this trend.
The first one, Carl, was a past master of his lodge, and he loved masonry. He was a leader and worked hard at supporting his lodge. He was also gruff, opinionated, and not afraid to voice his opinions. His style of leadership was dictatorial. He called other masons "phony masons" to their face because they didn't expend as much time or effort as he did. He singlehandedly drove away the vast majority of the men from the lodge, and was probably the biggest single reason why that lodge eventually died.
The second story I have is about a man who faithfully came to lodge every weekend to cook the breakfasts the lodge served to the community. He did all the cooking, and did a great job. He never came to lodge meetings however (he was retired and had the time to do so), I guess he felt his contributions were enough. We were having a group PiLM training session on a saturday at the lodge in the banquet room. There were about 5-6 of us at one of the dining tables with TSW, LOH and WMC all spread out and we were enjoying coffee and donuts and half studying and half socializing.
Well, this brother came in to prep for the next day's breakfast, cooking up the bacon and sausage and was visibly upset at our being there. He was banging his utensils, pots and pans around, making things very difficult for us to do our studying, all the while with a huge scowl on his face. Here we were, a group of young masons along with the district deputy trying to better ourselves, and this man, a lifelong mason, was treating us like we were shit.
I have many more examples of some of the men of the boomer generation who, in my opinion, don't "get it". Now, obviously, I can also trot out a huge list of men who do, but I think the bad apples are more than enough to have made the rest look bad. I don't know if it was just that particular generation, a failure of the previous generation to teach them correctly, or what, but I think it had enough of an impact that drove a lot of good men away.
I'd also like to add that these men thought they were good masons, and that their intentions were for the good of masonry. In Carl's case, he was in his mind morally right, that was he said and did was an attempt to get the lodge to do better. Evil people don't think they are evil. They think their cause is just.
What's not to like about your response? We can't solve problems unless somebody puts them on the table.
Agreed.
A single Mason, behaving poorly on a consistent basis, can certainly drive ten or more good Masons out of a Lodge.
We must recognize that Freemasonry will never grow by admitting every man who wants to be a Mason into our Ancient Craft. It will grow if we only admit suitable men to it. For good and suitable men will attract others like them. Unsuitable, mean men, will drive them away in droves.
Hi I am from the UK East Kent. I have been a Mason for 9 years and I have to say that it can be the same over here. Some times it seems to be old guard against the new Brothers coming into the Lodge. If you don't make people welcome or don't help them learn the different jobs in the lodge even if it's the LOI evenings they will get up and leave let new brothers have a chance to learn a job ask them round for coffee come round and learn the words don't just blank them every evening they turn up.
Every Lodge needs new people to come here in or your Lodge will die off.
Thank you for this Brother.
I suppose that it is human nature everywhere that causes these sorts of behaviors, but as Freemasons, it is I think, our duty to try and overcome these impulses. Certainly doing so would improve our Lodge's future prospects, but even more importantly, improve our own characters.
Hello I think you are right about it being human nature but like to think that we can all be better people. In my Lodge we were going hold a BBQ with another Lodge who use the same hall out of some 90 people only about 8 said they would come and so it was cancelled so I said to Lodge on what's app guys you can come round to my house have some coffee a glass of wine cake and have some cake only two said yes which I think is very poor.
I think that you need to be Brothers and Friends to make it work. There are people who just turn up and don't play a part in the Lodge but will always want help from the Lodge who hold out their hold and take the money as it were. I just hope more young guys come in and stay and then pass down what has been passed down to them.
To me being a Brother is a way of life but not every brother feels the same.
I think that sometimes, when it comes to special events, we just have to keep pushing it.
I remember when I was WM we came up with lots of ideas for interesting events, like your BBQ. At least at one of them, myself and my Senior Warden were the only ones who actually showed up.
When we had something though, we carried on as if it were a great success, even if it wasn't. We'd post on Facebook about how much fun it was, tell people that they missed something great. Talk about it in Lodge.
After three years of that, all of the events became extremely well attended. Some of them went from abject failure to roaring success.
At least here, Masons are generally very resistant to change. But when we kept doing it, and talking about how much fun it was, they eventually all came around.