Be Nice
A little welcome can go a long way
This is so basic, I hesitate to post about it, but as it comes up from time to time, I feel that I must.
If we expect our Lodges to survive and thrive, then we have to be nice to those seeking the Degrees, nice to visitors, and nice to Masons who have moved into our area.
A few years ago I was contacted by a Mason who was moving across the State, and wanted to find a Lodge near his new home. After talking with him, I discovered that due to his job, only one particular weeknight worked well for him. Luckily a Lodge in the area he was moving into met on that particular night, so all was destined to be well.
The Mason in question was young and energetic, well liked by his current Lodge. The Lodge I suggested he consider was in desperate need of both men and energy. It seemed to me to be a perfect match. I told him that I would go to a Lodge Stated Meeting with him, and get him introduced to everyone.
That was, to put it frankly, a disaster.
I introduced him to every single member of the Lodge. Each in turn shook his hand, and said something along the lines of ‘hi, or welcome.’ That was it. After those one or two word greetings, every single member of the Lodge turned away from him and talked to one of their buddies instead.
Then we went into the Lodge room, and once inside, not one of them would sit by him.
The only people who actually talked to the Brother that evening, or sat with him, were other visitors to the Lodge.
I was embarrassed, he never joined that Lodge, nor any other area Lodge, and the Lodge in question no longer exists.
Recently I was visiting with another Mason who had moved from one part of our State to another. An exceptional Mason who I know to be extremely well respected not only in his Home Lodge, but throughout his District as well.
After he moved, he found a Lodge to join, and was excited to be doing so.
When I saw him recently, I asked him how he was enjoying his new Lodge.
He told me that he doesn’t attend anymore.
I asked him why, and he indicated it was because he doesn’t feel welcome there. He told me that he has invited his new Lodge brothers over to his house for food, drinks, and fellowship (His wife is an amazing cook) but none ever come. He also told me that he sees photos on social media of the Lodge doing social events together, but that he doesn’t get invited to those social events.
If there was a legitimate reason for the members of his new Lodge to treat him this way, it would I suppose be at least understandable. But I personally know him to be a truly superb man, father, and Mason. It is therefore inexcusable. Such cliquish behavior is normal for girls in High School, not for Masons who clearly know better.
Clearly most of our Lodges do not do these things, but some do, and I can’t imagine a faster or more effective way to kill a Lodge than to turn it into a clique and refuse to welcome anyone new into the clique.
I imagine that the Lodges that do this, and the men who do this, are doing it unconsciously. I believe that if they were made aware of it, they would certainly see the problem with their actions and amend those actions.
The trouble is though, the people who are not welcomed will not complain. They will simply walk away, and the Lodge will have no idea why.
Figuring out if our Lodge is nice, and welcoming, is something each Lodge has to do on its own. Lodge members should talk about it once in a great while. Talk about how new people were welcomed when they showed up at the Lodge, and through talking, discover if the Lodge needs to make a stronger effort to be welcoming, to be nice.
The ancient injunction Know Thyself applies to Lodges just as strongly as it applies to men.
Don’t forget that tomorrow we will be discussing Brother Chuck Dunning’s book Contemplative Masonry.
A text thread will go out in the morning, we can discuss the book on that thread, and then tomorrow evening, we’ll meet on Zoom to discuss the book in great detail. I look forward to hearing what everyone thinks about it!
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Thank you for reading!
Most Worshipful Sir, I really have to wonder how lodges get that way. Very sad.
A good friend of mine (from 4th grade) always says what his mother taught him and his siblings: "It's nice to be important but it's much more important to be nice." And my daughter's HS band teacher always taught his students: "People don't care what you know until they know that you care." Two very simple lessons that can make the world of difference.
I love my Brothers and I look forward to seeing them at our regularly stated meetings. But I'm always at least interested, and at times fascinated, when I meet and learn something about a new or visiting Brother. High on my list of the benefits of Masonry is that I now have relationships with a diverse range of good men who I'd have no other opportunity to meet. I welcome more of the same.
Hi I am from the UK East Kent. I have been a Mason for 9 years and I have to say that it can be the same over here. Some times it seems to be old guard against the new Brothers coming into the Lodge. If you don't make people welcome or don't help them learn the different jobs in the lodge even if it's the LOI evenings they will get up and leave let new brothers have a chance to learn a job ask them round for coffee come round and learn the words don't just blank them every evening they turn up.
Every Lodge needs new people to come here in or your Lodge will die off.