Responsibilities
To our wives and widows
Recently I wrote about some efforts my Lodge is making to help a young widow and her very young children.
We talk a lot in Masonry about our duty to assist the widows and orphans of our fallen Brothers. But I think we might struggle to figure out what needs there might be in today’s world. I also think we might be tempted to meet our responsibilities in a much less personal way.
Things were perhaps easier to figure out in an earlier time.
One of the founding Lodges of my Jurisdiction had, of course, a very early pioneer to the Territory as a member, and seemingly while he was here, he managed to grow quite rich. So he gave valuable tracts of land to his Lodge.
Then he left. Eager to repeat his success elsewhere in this vast country. And apparently, he lost everything.
When he died, he left daughters. It seems that the Lodge worked to help keep those daughters financially afloat for the rest of their lives.
It was simple in those times. If you didn't have money or barter for the necessities of life, couldn’t grow or build them, or couldn’t get them through the charity of others, you went without. It was life or death.
It’s not like that today. Government has stepped in. There are programs to help support people from infancy through old age. It might be tough, and there are likely a never ending number of bureaucratic hoops to jump through, but anyone determined can get the financial help to keep the necessities of life. It isn’t life or death, except by choice.
Some do undoubtedly fall through the cracks of this safety net, or have unique needs that government bureaucracy can’t adequately deal with, but for those massive institutional charities exist in abundance.
Including our own substantial Masonic charitable endeavors.
Because of these things, it’s likely that a Masonic widow and orphans don’t need long term financial assistance from their husband’s Lodge.
That makes it, perhaps, harder on the Lodge looking to help, because it is much easier to write a check than help someone navigate a massive bureaucracy.
So, maybe sometimes we struggle to know how we can help.
We can make referrals to appropriate charitable organizations. We can help fill out government paperwork. We can advise on immediate decisions that need to be made. And while we wait for all of that, yes, we can write a check.
But it seems to me that our responsibility as a Lodge does not end when those things are done. That Masonic Relief must mean a lot more than just financial aid. A new widow needs someone she can talk too, a sounding board. She needs someone she can count on in an unexpected emergency. Young orphans need someone who can provide a stable male influence for a time short or long.
We can’t just cut a check, make a couple of referrals, and call it good.
That’s only part of the job.
The rest of the job is complicated, because every situation will be completely different from all others, as will the specific needs in question.
But, we’ve got to do it. Doing so is our duty.
There is also another, really important responsibility we have as husbands and fathers.
A responsibility that I see completely ignored and neglected over and over again.
How can our Lodge possibly help our widow, or our orphans if the Lodge has no idea of who they are or how to find them?
I see Masons fall down on this constantly.
And frankly, there is no damn excuse.
Failing to provide this information to one’s Lodge is a shameful abdication of ones responsibility to his family.
In my Jurisdiction we use Grandview as our membership database. It contains places in which Masons can include information about their family. Over and over again these places are left blank.
I don’t imagine that this is a problem in my Jurisdiction alone.
My wife is a bit outside the norm. She goes to loads of Masonic events. So do our children. Masons know them, and know how to find them.
But most wives and children aren’t like that. They don’t often, or ever go to our events. They don’t know many, if any men from the Lodge.
If our Lodge Brothers don’t know our wives and kids, and we haven’t in some way made provision for our Lodge to know who they are and how they can be found, how on earth do we think our Lodge could ever step in to help if help was needed?
Likewise, does our wife know who in the Lodge to call if she needs help? Do our kids?
Why not?
We can take care of this, either in our membership database, or in a brief conversation with our Lodge Secretary, in about five minutes.
If we haven’t done it, we need to do it. This week. Today. To put it off because we think we will live darn near forever is just plain nuts. And it is a refusal of the responsibility we owe to our family.
MW once again you created a masterpiece. Charity. I have spoke to the use of the word Charity often to anyone who was willing to listen. My students during proficiency coaching heard it for sure. The lodges who give money and time to their communities is wonderful but what if this occurs while our widows are forgotten? The children and grandchildren of Brothers might have access to Masonic education funds within our jurisdictions but no one checks in on them from the lodge during their school year to see if they need shoes and clothing. Charity must be given from within the Masonic Community while also seeking community involvement. If our lodges do not have an active Widows and Orphans program then they are falling short from their Obligations. MW Emeth keep up the hard work. This is a keeper! My 2c.
I agree with you, Cameron.
When we have a new JW in my Mother Lodge, I introduce them to my wife, Dorothy. I doubt Dorothy will ever join a Masonic organization but she will enthusiastically show by example what kind of impressive meal can be made and served for a couple hundred bucks. There’s always leftovers for those brothers without a Dorothy at home to overfeed them.
We also host and Dorothy caters our annual installation party (Daylight installs in July). I get a permit from the city to close the block and we invite all the families from the Lodge, Districts 4&5, and our neighbors on the block. It’s always fun.
The primary reason I do this is so my young brothers get to know my wife and my wife knows my young brothers. And I’m clear with my brothers and my wife as to why. Should anything happen to me, I want the relationship in place already.
Now we’re pretty fortunate. I’m a good earner and Dorothy has financial assets of her own to draw from should needs arise. What she’d need in that circumstance is emotional support and help with things an aging 5’2” female shouldn’t try on her own.
Also, Dorothy knows and my Daylight brothers know about what’s available through Washington Masonic Services and the wonderful case workers we have there. Dorothy knows she’s entitled to those services and she knows about widow’s pins (and at times believes she should be entitled to one now). She also knows I have every intention of outliving her but I don’t have full control of that.
As time goes by, it’s easier to get her to select Masonic functions if one or more of her favorites are there. And yes her name and mobile number is in Grandview.