It Is Important
To them
If we have been a Mason for some time, we’ve probably forgotten most of our meeting with our Investigation Committee, and very likely have forgotten how nervous we were about it before it took place.
Likewise, if we have a good number of years in Masonry, we’ve probably served on a few Investigation Committees. Those meetings with candidates have likely come to feel like a rather routine process. Something to do, and hopefully do well, but nothing much to worry over.
These things are just natural as we spend more and more time as a Mason.
I think we do well to remember that our Candidate, the poor fellow being investigated, doesn’t see it in the same way at all.
I give you the following true story. A true story from this very evening.
I’m not naming the Lodge, or anyone involved because the point of this essay isn’t to make anyone feel badly. Rather it is simply an attempt to remind all of us how things might feel from a Candidate’s perspective.
I have a friend who wants to become a Freemason.
I could have probably ‘greased the skids’ for him a little bit. I could have taken him to his first dinner before Lodge; introduced him to some of the guys. I could have signed his petition. Other little things like that.
But, I didn’t. I didn’t do a darn thing except give him the phone number of a Lodge to call.
Because it was important to him that he do it all himself. That he, as he puts it ‘becomes a Mason the right way, not the easy way.’
So, I just gave him a Lodge phone number and stepped aside, letting his course take him where it would.
It seems that he chose a Lodge, turned in a Petition, and had an Investigation Committee assigned.
Now he was a little nervous about the Investigation. And thinking about it, who wouldn’t be? Three dudes, fairly strangers, coming over to the house to chat, with their impressions having a huge say in whether or not one is able to become a Freemason.
A little nervous.
But his lady, we’ll call her Soon To Be Wife, or STBW for short, well she was really nervous.
She calls my wife some time ago and tells my wife that a home visit from the Investigation Committee is soon to come, and that she’ll need to go out with some girlfriends for the evening so that the Masons can meet with her guy in private.
My wife in turn explains that, no, the Investigation Committee will want to meet with her as well. That they will want to see how she and her fellow live, and they’ll want to talk with her to ensure that she is good with him becoming a Freemason.
That sorted out, the two women make plans for the four of us to go out to dinner this evening.
Some time passes and we get another call. The Investigation Committee will be coming on the evening we have our dinner plans set for. The women chat about it some, and decide it’s A-OK. The Committee is scheduled to arrive at 6:30, so the four of us will go out to a super early dinner at around 4:00. That way we can have dinner, and they can get back home in plenty of time to greet the Committee.
So, mid afternoon today, we show up at their house.
And we discover that STBW has been really busy. She tells us that she’s scrubbed the place top to bottom, including washing all the floors so that the whole house smells ‘spic & span.’ She’s cooked lots of snacks. Some snazzy little bacon wrapped chestnut things with a sauce of some sort, pastries filled with some sort of meaty goodness, fancy deviled eggs. (She is a fine cook.) And she bought some really fancy looking cookies. Not those grocery store things, rather those really fancy ones.
She really, really wants to make a good impression on these three men that she’s never met. Ultimately she wants them to see how far she is willing to go to support her man in his interest.
We visit for a few minutes, I steal a fancy cookie or two (but don’t get any of the stuff she cooked, for alas it would be noticed that someone robbed the display) and then we head off to dinner.
An hour and a half before the Committee is supposed to show up, the fellow gets a call.
The four of us listen as the fellow is told something along the lines of: ‘Eh, sorry, we got busy tonight. We’ll come tomorrow night instead.’
My friend seems to take it in stride.
My wife declares it to be ‘Typical Masonic incompetence.’
STBW is worried. ‘What’s she going to do with all the snacks she made? They won’t taste good tomorrow. They’ll be ruined.’
I tell her that she should take a photo of said snacks, then feed them to me, then tomorrow evening, show the Investigation Committee the photo telling them what they missed out on.
Neither woman liked my idea.
My wife tells her to just wrap it all up, and feed it to them tomorrow.
My really strong hunch after listening to all this is that STBW is going to throw it all away, and cook it all fresh again tomorrow. Because she wants these men to look favorably on her man, and she understands that what she does is a big part of that.
Whatever happens will be OK. Our friends don’t understand that the Investigators are Masons. That as such they’d be happy with a cup of rancid coffee and a stale potato chip. It’ll all be fine.
But our friends don’t know that.
Because they are new.
And when we are new, we are nervous. That’s just the nature of things.
I think that there’s a pretty vital lesson for us as Masons in all of this. We do well to remember that when we were Prospects and Candidates we were nervous. We badly wanted to make a good impression, and we worried that we wouldn’t for some reason.
Remembering that, we can perhaps realize that while we might not see something like rescheduling an Investigative Committee visit at the last minute as a big deal, it quite likely is a really big deal to the poor new guy and his family.
Last minute rescheduling really needs to be avoided at all costs. We need to respect the candidate and his family's time. They are investigating us (or should be) just as much as we are investigating them.
I remember baking oatmeal raisin cookies from scratch for my investigation meeting. One of the three couldn't make it, but two still came. The third talked to me over the phone the next day.
I really enjoyed your writing this morning MW Sir, but it also made me a little (almost) angry about our Fraternity.
We like to think that we are good men, and hopefully some of the best of society. And yet we seem to have a culture of not respecting our fellows, families, and others. Like you, I have seen cancellations of meetings for trivial reasons. Masons don't need to be fluent in French to fully understand the meaning of RSVP. And Masons don't seem to believe that a sincere thank-you is in order when a Brother, Lady, or Community Member goes out of his or her way to make a Masonic meeting or event just a little better. On this, we can be awfully cheap. A bouquet of flowers and box of candy to a wife who has been working the kitchen prior to a Masonic meal can easily be had for under $50. And maybe a Brother honestly don't want more swag, so how about a gift certificate for lunch or dinner, or a donation to his favorite charity. And if nothing else, a simple thank-you note should be the bare minimum.
I'll get off my soap box soon, but IMHO understanding and practicing the social graces should be the expectation of every Mason and Lodge, and not the exception.