The three lodges that I attend on a regular basis, do engage, at least, the ladies in some events outside the lodge meeting. Of course, many invite the ladies and family into the lodge room for open installations as well.
One lodge, used to have a ladies night once a year. The ladies were offered entertainment in the dining area while the lodge meeting was held in the lodge room. Then we enjoyed dinner together, with conversation and fellowship. This year, many members voted to no longer hold a ladies night but do a social event with the significant others, outside of lodge activities.
I have declined to attend that event, as I have declined to attend other non-lodge focuses social events.
My son is in his 30s and has no interest in Freemasonry. He jokingly tells me I am Illuminati and we both laugh and then tell other jokes. The simple fact is, that he would likely not be interested in attending any social event related to the lodge as he has no interest at all.
Which is part of my point about family members. The successful attempts I see, my perspective only here, are those who have sons in DeMolay or daughters in Rainbow, etc. Even those groups are declining as well.
The youth of today have short attention spans and social media keeps them engaged in other "more modern" interests.
Even in my father's hometown, where they are a small community and still have the old traditions and teach their children respect and good morals, the interest is not there. My father was a member of the Knights of Pythias, an organization I know very little about. He told me that their lodge was closing because the younger generation just wasn't interested, despite their best efforts to engage them.
For me, I am a mix of traditionalist and modernist. I like tradition. I was in the Canadian military for 8 years. It has a proud tradition of being based on generations of British military traditions as well as its own. I loved that.
Tradition is what draws me to Freemasonry. It is an institution that has survived by maintaining that tradition. I don't want it to change to "accommodate" a new generation.
I also believe that when it comes to significant others and family, there is a time for being together, and there is time for space, or what I call "me time". My wife understands that. My son shares the same sentiment.
There are times when I do NOT want my spouse involved in other interests I have. I want to be selfish and to enjoy those aspects without her. She understands and we get along perfectly fine.
So for me, I don't want to find a way to involve our spouses and family and more than what we currently do. They know what I am a part of. the respect that I need time to enjoy Freemasonry without them involved, and I appreciate that. They are happy when I do invite them to a dinner or open installation, but other than that, they do not ask for more involvement not do they seek to step anymore into that world than I am willing to offer.
I'm in my 30s, and we very well may sit in lodge together brother.
I posit you with this question -- if you feel you need to leverage Freemasonry as an escape, how is that making you a better man? What would happen if you brought your wife, your son, and let them engage within a social event, in fellowship with those whom you claim to be brothers?
First off, I don't consider it an "escape". Many people don't understand the concept of "me time". It's not just time away from family, but also time away from all people. Time to be me. To reflect on things without interruption or concern I am alienating someone who is with me.
I also didn't say that I didn't bring my wife to social events at the lodge. Quite the contrary as she is involved in many things related to the lodge, including Annual Communication, Grand Sessions for York Rite, and the various Scottish Rite activities.
That doesn't mean I want her at every event related to Freemasonry.
Very well said, and not as confrontational as my post. "There is a time for being together, and there is a time for space." I don't think it could be stated better. I think everyone deserves a private sphere in their life. It doesn't need to be all, or even most, but there needs to be some bit of it.
The Lodges I'm involved with are all over the map on this. My Home Lodge has really strong family involvement. I got to know most of my new Brother's wives just as soon, and just as well as I got to know my new Brothers.
The Lodge in my little City used to have strong family involvement, but that has drifted off to virtually nothing over the last ten years or so. Now it is coming back. I don't think that any specific decision(s) resulted in those changes, they simply happened as leadership of the Lodge changed.
Neither of my two Lodges in Seattle have much family involvement. I've not gotten to know the vast majority of wives or children. Both of those Lodges are, to my way of thinking, specialist type Lodges quite far from the norm. I don't know if the lack of family involvement was a decision, or if it is simply the fact that spouses and kids would probably have just about zero interest in the Lodge's primary focuses.
As for my own family, my wife has been extensively involved with the Craft (much like the vast majority of GM's wives here in my Jurisdiction.) I think I could honestly argue that she has attended more Masonic events than the vast majority of Masons. My three daughters are less involved, but do attend Masonic events from time to time, as does my oldest granddaughter.
MW, I stand on the two pillars as I live them. Beauty and Strength.
Wisdom, I hope I will be blessed with some day. My hubris is still quite strong yet; my obligation keeps me quiet here. I'm a small man by stature, and ugly as a rough ashler can be.
That's why I picked the partner I did -- she's beautiful, and strong. Not intellectually bright, but she brings me balance in a way no one else ever has.
As far as I am concerned, my lodge will take me, all of me and mine, or none of me. If I, my children, or my life partner cause offense, I respectfully expect a brother to communicate that directly to me.
I know my family would deeply enjoy a comfortable space to recreate and relax while we, as Brothers on the level, perform our business.
I know I would feel better knowing my lady is comfortable, not cleaning up after us; for us. Call me progressive, or a chaotic liberal, a lazy Millennial, or what have you. Just because a person carries their pair on their chest, and a slit between their legs, does not place them lower in the hierarchy.
Lest we forget we all have Mothers.
Take me as a man, in whole, or not at all. I believe in the truths and lessons of The Craft as it appears to me as an Entered Apprentice Mason. I was given tools, and part of my refreshment is my family, as is the service to my Deity.
That being said, if that part of me is not accepted, then neither is my Deity, and maybe that indicates a more systemic issue the needs addressed in the Fraternity.
We're supposed to make good men better. If we expect good men to shed even a part of themselves, how are they to become better?
>>>I know my family would deeply enjoy a comfortable space to recreate and relax while we, >>>as Brothers on the level, perform our business.
When I was Master of the Lodge in my little City, Melinda joined me down at the Masonic Temple each time we met. And she did this for a number of years prior and after.
When I was a Grand Lodge officer, she attended almost all of the Masonic events I attended, along with most of the other Grand Lodge officer's wives.
We would go into Lodge for our Tiled meetings, and she along with the other wives would hang out elsewhere in the building. I always rather viewed the whole thing as sort of a team effort. I'd plan the Lodge meeting, she'd encourage the families who were there to enjoy themselves. I think that the vast majority of the time that worked out well.
>>>not cleaning up after us
I will say that when Melinda attends, and helps prepare the meal, she cleans up after it. And for the next month, anyone else who uses the kitchen had better return it to how she left it or expect a pretty serious tongue lashing! She likes to cook for the Lodge (cooking is one of her 'things,' but she expects a clean kitchen to do it in.
I recently worked to create a Masonic Youth Recreational room for my lodge. It has a Wii, fus ball, air hockey and ping pong table, a small library of books and a good selection of board games. We host a potluck several times a year. Its easier for the younger brothers to bring the whole family when there is a place for kids to play. Then the wives and ladies can talk inst of watching the kids, knowing they have a safe place to play. The more the ladies talk, the closer the families become. That serves to strengthen the brotherhood.
If we seek to make good men better, that must include being a better husband, father and role model. That means having them around.
I have heard about your new Recreation room, and look forward to seeing it soon!
One thing at the Lodge in Centralia that I've found odd is that the vast majority of Worshipful Masters, over the years I've been involved, have chosen to hold the meal in the small dining room next to our Lodge room.
When I (and the WM's that bookended me) ran the Lodge, we had those meals in our large dining room, one floor down. That dining room is much larger than what we need, but it is also much more comfortable. I have wondered, from time to time, if family involvement at Centralia fell off because of the switch of dining rooms. If family is going to hang out and enjoy each other while the men are off in a Stated Meeting, they need a comfortable place to do that, not steel folding chairs.
I'll probably be the most unpopular guy here, at least among commenters, but I'm going to jump right to heart of the second question.
I think men need AND deserve a space to be solely among brothers. I think the level of interaction and the sorts of opening up and growth that happen in such an environment is qualitatively different.
Being providers and protectors is part of what we are, and it is natural to want to look after others. Inevitably, in non brother-only spaces, the focus becomes the kids, the spouses, what kind of a time they're having. Is it the sort of event that they like? And that's fine in the vast majority of society and the vast majority of the time.
But it doesn't need to be everywhere, all the time. It's okay for some things to be about the brothers. This is the specific and exact reason I joined masonry. To be among brothers. I'm willing to bet that's why a lot of folks who get raised and then ghost joined for as well, but it's considered taboo to say that you joined a fraternity for fraternity, so they just wander way.
Social events outside of lodge, of course. Lodge picnic? Absolutely. Bowling night, without a doubt. I couldn't imagine NOT having spouses and kids there. The various concordant bodies? That's what they're there for.
Vince, I agree with you. Men need a place where they can support each other. My wife is totally on board with me going to lodge night and it’s with the guys.
We have a few social events outside of lodge night where family is absolutely invited and we make a point of stating that when we organize that event.
This isn’t a knock against lodges that do want to be more family oriented though. If that is the culture of a lodge, that is also great. My only suggestion to those lodges is do a quality job at it.
Ultimately, I believe that we can have both or select the experience we prefer. (assuming that we are willing to drive.)
In my time as a Mason, I've really enjoyed Lodges that have really strong family involvement. I've also really enjoyed Lodges that don't. Those Lodges all have really different 'personalities.'
I firmly believe that is a great strength of Freemasonry. Every Lodge is different, to a greater or lesser extent, than every other Lodge. So if we aren't enjoying or connecting with the Lodge experience we are receiving, we need not leave Freemasonry, we simply need to find a Lodge that better suits us.
Long ago of course this wasn't really possible, as travel was hard, but in this day of freeways and cars it is easy to find a Lodge that offers exactly the flavor of Freemasonry that one is looking for.
And I suppose that's why I enjoy my own driving from Lodge to Lodge so much, that variety of Masonic experience.
I'm with Andrew Hammer on this one. Non masons should not be involved in masonic events. For example, going off session during a stated meeting to invite the ladies and guests into the lodge for introductions and a presentation. When I first joined, several lodges had a habit of doing this at every stated meeting. I had done it a few times myself. When I invited Andrew Hammer out to one of my first stated meetings as WM to give a talk, I also advertised the heck out of it, inviting everyone including wives, to come and listen. A mistake, as Andrew had prepared a topic that was catered towards masons, not women. He told me afterwards he was surprised I had done that. The event had about 80 folks sitting around, and he had brought a box of his book to sell, but sadly, not one person bothered to buy a copy. I already had two, so I wasn't going to buy a 3rd. I even donated my paperback copy to the lodge library, and there it sits, gathering dust, along with all the other books on the shelves.
I stopped bringing in non masons into the lodge after that.
There are plenty of opportunities for family to be involved in things outside of masonry, including the OES and the youth groups. I don't see a need for this in our fraternity. My partner is quite happy hanging out with the ladies while the men are doing our meeting on the rare occasions that she tags along.
I agree with Gerry, I need "me time". I am not joined at the hip with my partner. She spends time doing her "girl" things, and I spend time doing my men things. I don't feel the need to include her with everything I do. Some men do, I don't. We spend time together for things we're mutually interested in, but she doesn't share interested in every single thing I do, nor I hers.
>>>going off session during a stated meeting to invite the ladies and guests into the lodge >>>for introductions and a presentation. When I first joined, several lodges had a habit of >>>doing this at every stated meeting.
This is interesting to me, because I've never actually seen a Lodge do this except on extremely rare occasion. Geographical differences I suppose, as I imagine that you and I both became Masons around the same time.
I will say that Centralia Lodge did this twice (as I recall) when VW Clayton was Master (again if memory properly serves.) On one of those occasions the ladies were invited in for an explanation of all the symbolism built into the Lodge room. The Pillars at the stations, the Checkered Pavement, the Blazing Star, the G in the East, and all the rest. The second time, they were invited in to explain to us a bit about all of their organizations. OES, Amaranth, White Shrine, and all the rest. I remember that both of those were highly regarded. But I don't recall any other time Centralia did anything like that.
I did buy a copy of Bro. Hammer's book at your meeting. I already had one, but wanted one of the fancy hardbacks! 🤠 He didn't have any of those, but he took my name down and mailed it when he returned home.
“I will say that Centralia Lodge did this twice (as I recall) when VW Clayton was Master (again if memory properly serves.)”
Yes, at least on the latter one of the two.
“On one of those occasions the ladies were invited in for an explanation of all the symbolism built into the Lodge room.” That was actually at an Eastern Star meeting, when I “badgered” the Worthy Matron to include Masonic Education into one of their meetings. There were three of us who provided Education at the meeting. As you note, I did explain the symbolism found in the Centralia Lodge room, which in this Jurisdiction has some of the richest symbolism in a Masonic Lodge room. The other two touched on Masonic Principles and explained the regalia, floorwork and non-esoteric ritual (installations, etc.) Interestingly enough, I was approached for the next couple of months by the OES ladies who did appreciate the education. Nothing like education to alleviate contention.
The second time was an idea of mine when I was WM of Centralia Lodge in 2017-2018 (a year and a third.) I didn’t know the difference between all those ladies organizations other than the OES (which I joined in 1996 as my family were members,) so I tasked different officers in the Lodge to get members of these organizations to come to the meeting and give an overview. Among those who gave speeches were the state leaders of their organizations (like a Grand Matron, etc.) it filled the lodge room up quite well, and was very well received. Again, the bottom line was education.
These are not bad ideas for any Lodge to try. Women’s Masonic family appendant bodies, youth groups, Concordant bodies. Invite them to come to your meeting and tell your Lodge what they’re all about.
The year I was Master, my Webster Masonic Lodge No. 538 started a "First Friday Each Month Spaghetti Dinner". Community organizations volunteered to provide "servers" (often Boy Scout or Girl Scout Troops, or a high school sports team).
The servers sold tickets to friends and family, and earned at least 1/2 of the profit each month (sometimes earned about $1,000). My teenaged son loved operating the dishwashing machine, working in the kitchen with my Blue Lodge Brothers and often a Scoutmaster or High School Coach.
A thousand for a youth group can go a really long way! This seems like an excellent idea for meaningful Lodge involvement with the young folks of the community. Thank you!
MWB Bailey. Given that a core purpose of the Craft is to improve oneself in our various stations, I think we would be remiss to not include family in this equation. One of the largest competing factors for time in life is family. With the modern Mason having to balance their time and schedules I think this could be a way to ease already stretched cable tows. As long as we can find ways to create value for everyone involved.
I remember being dragged to events as a kid where there was little to no accommodation, sans a short table, and shorter chairs.
Perhaps a web accessible survey could be established to identify the will of the Lodge and what kind of events, activities, and kids activities might be established?
Bro. Chad, I do understand where many of these Brothers are coming from. Some have dealt with the Women’s appendant bodies, where sometimes contention prevails over working together, or in some cases where a Mason’s wife brings her toddler son and he crawls all over the Lodge room during an installation ceremony, many Masons would rather keep it to where it’s just the men at the meetings. I’ve seen the above examples first-hand. That being said, I remember attending events at Fraternal halls as a kid myself, and as I got older, I found the conduct of the adults to be inspiring, and it was a large factor to why I joined a Fraternal Organization. If I hadn’t joined the Freemasons, I would have joined the Grange. No doubt about that.
I truly think our Lodge is heading in the right direction. We have a responsibility to behave like inspiring adults to the children who are there. They’re behaving very well, and I hope that our conduct is inspiring to them as those before me were to me.
>>>We have a responsibility to behave like inspiring adults to the children who are there.
Yes, this is really important. Thank you for bringing it up.
If we have spouses in attendance, it is vitally important that we treat them well. Particularly it is important that we remember and heed the spirit of our Third Degree Obligation.
Likewise the kids. If we invite kids, we need to make the environment enjoyable for them. We can't be screaming 'Get Off My Lawn!'
You know, I am really proud of how our Lodge is working with the new family at our dinners. They’ve accepted the kids almost as their own, and from what I can see, none of them feel unwelcome at the dinners. This hasn’t always been the case, so I am quite optimistic of our Lodge’s future, and I haven’t been afraid to let our Brothers know that in person. I think what we’re seeing now can be built upon. But we still must be diligent to make sure the train doesn’t get derailed, as we both know it doesn’t take much to destroy good momentum. I’ve seen a handful of Lodges who were going gangbusters until one or two Brothers toss a monkeywrench into the machine, and it can take many years to recover.
But the bottom line? Yeah, the Lodges in our area are in a good spot right now. I’m enjoying it. 😎
Honestly, I'm not a believer in surveys (if I'm thinking about a survey monkey kind of thing) to determine Lodge events, simply because I find them limiting. Click this box for this choice, click this box for this other choice.
But, I am certainly a believer in 'surveys' exactly like this one. Ask questions and get real, raw answers. It is much less limiting in my view. And thus, (again in my view) much more valuable.
>>>As long as we can find ways to create value for everyone involved.
Exactly. If we are going to make an effort to involve spouses and/or children, we have to make sure that there is value there for them, just as there is (or should be) value in the Tiled Masonic meeting.
LUZVIMINDA Lodge is intentionally designed to be family-oriented, a core principle since its inception. Each scheduled meeting incorporates activities suitable for all members. Consistent with Philippine tradition, fellowship and refreshments are integral components of each gathering.
My thoughts are all over the place with this one.
The three lodges that I attend on a regular basis, do engage, at least, the ladies in some events outside the lodge meeting. Of course, many invite the ladies and family into the lodge room for open installations as well.
One lodge, used to have a ladies night once a year. The ladies were offered entertainment in the dining area while the lodge meeting was held in the lodge room. Then we enjoyed dinner together, with conversation and fellowship. This year, many members voted to no longer hold a ladies night but do a social event with the significant others, outside of lodge activities.
I have declined to attend that event, as I have declined to attend other non-lodge focuses social events.
My son is in his 30s and has no interest in Freemasonry. He jokingly tells me I am Illuminati and we both laugh and then tell other jokes. The simple fact is, that he would likely not be interested in attending any social event related to the lodge as he has no interest at all.
Which is part of my point about family members. The successful attempts I see, my perspective only here, are those who have sons in DeMolay or daughters in Rainbow, etc. Even those groups are declining as well.
The youth of today have short attention spans and social media keeps them engaged in other "more modern" interests.
Even in my father's hometown, where they are a small community and still have the old traditions and teach their children respect and good morals, the interest is not there. My father was a member of the Knights of Pythias, an organization I know very little about. He told me that their lodge was closing because the younger generation just wasn't interested, despite their best efforts to engage them.
For me, I am a mix of traditionalist and modernist. I like tradition. I was in the Canadian military for 8 years. It has a proud tradition of being based on generations of British military traditions as well as its own. I loved that.
Tradition is what draws me to Freemasonry. It is an institution that has survived by maintaining that tradition. I don't want it to change to "accommodate" a new generation.
I also believe that when it comes to significant others and family, there is a time for being together, and there is time for space, or what I call "me time". My wife understands that. My son shares the same sentiment.
There are times when I do NOT want my spouse involved in other interests I have. I want to be selfish and to enjoy those aspects without her. She understands and we get along perfectly fine.
So for me, I don't want to find a way to involve our spouses and family and more than what we currently do. They know what I am a part of. the respect that I need time to enjoy Freemasonry without them involved, and I appreciate that. They are happy when I do invite them to a dinner or open installation, but other than that, they do not ask for more involvement not do they seek to step anymore into that world than I am willing to offer.
Sorry, didn't mean to write such a long post.
I'm in my 30s, and we very well may sit in lodge together brother.
I posit you with this question -- if you feel you need to leverage Freemasonry as an escape, how is that making you a better man? What would happen if you brought your wife, your son, and let them engage within a social event, in fellowship with those whom you claim to be brothers?
First off, I don't consider it an "escape". Many people don't understand the concept of "me time". It's not just time away from family, but also time away from all people. Time to be me. To reflect on things without interruption or concern I am alienating someone who is with me.
I also didn't say that I didn't bring my wife to social events at the lodge. Quite the contrary as she is involved in many things related to the lodge, including Annual Communication, Grand Sessions for York Rite, and the various Scottish Rite activities.
That doesn't mean I want her at every event related to Freemasonry.
Gerry,
Very well said, and not as confrontational as my post. "There is a time for being together, and there is a time for space." I don't think it could be stated better. I think everyone deserves a private sphere in their life. It doesn't need to be all, or even most, but there needs to be some bit of it.
The Lodges I'm involved with are all over the map on this. My Home Lodge has really strong family involvement. I got to know most of my new Brother's wives just as soon, and just as well as I got to know my new Brothers.
The Lodge in my little City used to have strong family involvement, but that has drifted off to virtually nothing over the last ten years or so. Now it is coming back. I don't think that any specific decision(s) resulted in those changes, they simply happened as leadership of the Lodge changed.
Neither of my two Lodges in Seattle have much family involvement. I've not gotten to know the vast majority of wives or children. Both of those Lodges are, to my way of thinking, specialist type Lodges quite far from the norm. I don't know if the lack of family involvement was a decision, or if it is simply the fact that spouses and kids would probably have just about zero interest in the Lodge's primary focuses.
As for my own family, my wife has been extensively involved with the Craft (much like the vast majority of GM's wives here in my Jurisdiction.) I think I could honestly argue that she has attended more Masonic events than the vast majority of Masons. My three daughters are less involved, but do attend Masonic events from time to time, as does my oldest granddaughter.
MW, I stand on the two pillars as I live them. Beauty and Strength.
Wisdom, I hope I will be blessed with some day. My hubris is still quite strong yet; my obligation keeps me quiet here. I'm a small man by stature, and ugly as a rough ashler can be.
That's why I picked the partner I did -- she's beautiful, and strong. Not intellectually bright, but she brings me balance in a way no one else ever has.
As far as I am concerned, my lodge will take me, all of me and mine, or none of me. If I, my children, or my life partner cause offense, I respectfully expect a brother to communicate that directly to me.
I know my family would deeply enjoy a comfortable space to recreate and relax while we, as Brothers on the level, perform our business.
I know I would feel better knowing my lady is comfortable, not cleaning up after us; for us. Call me progressive, or a chaotic liberal, a lazy Millennial, or what have you. Just because a person carries their pair on their chest, and a slit between their legs, does not place them lower in the hierarchy.
Lest we forget we all have Mothers.
Take me as a man, in whole, or not at all. I believe in the truths and lessons of The Craft as it appears to me as an Entered Apprentice Mason. I was given tools, and part of my refreshment is my family, as is the service to my Deity.
That being said, if that part of me is not accepted, then neither is my Deity, and maybe that indicates a more systemic issue the needs addressed in the Fraternity.
We're supposed to make good men better. If we expect good men to shed even a part of themselves, how are they to become better?
>>>I know my family would deeply enjoy a comfortable space to recreate and relax while we, >>>as Brothers on the level, perform our business.
When I was Master of the Lodge in my little City, Melinda joined me down at the Masonic Temple each time we met. And she did this for a number of years prior and after.
When I was a Grand Lodge officer, she attended almost all of the Masonic events I attended, along with most of the other Grand Lodge officer's wives.
We would go into Lodge for our Tiled meetings, and she along with the other wives would hang out elsewhere in the building. I always rather viewed the whole thing as sort of a team effort. I'd plan the Lodge meeting, she'd encourage the families who were there to enjoy themselves. I think that the vast majority of the time that worked out well.
>>>not cleaning up after us
I will say that when Melinda attends, and helps prepare the meal, she cleans up after it. And for the next month, anyone else who uses the kitchen had better return it to how she left it or expect a pretty serious tongue lashing! She likes to cook for the Lodge (cooking is one of her 'things,' but she expects a clean kitchen to do it in.
I recently worked to create a Masonic Youth Recreational room for my lodge. It has a Wii, fus ball, air hockey and ping pong table, a small library of books and a good selection of board games. We host a potluck several times a year. Its easier for the younger brothers to bring the whole family when there is a place for kids to play. Then the wives and ladies can talk inst of watching the kids, knowing they have a safe place to play. The more the ladies talk, the closer the families become. That serves to strengthen the brotherhood.
If we seek to make good men better, that must include being a better husband, father and role model. That means having them around.
I have heard about your new Recreation room, and look forward to seeing it soon!
One thing at the Lodge in Centralia that I've found odd is that the vast majority of Worshipful Masters, over the years I've been involved, have chosen to hold the meal in the small dining room next to our Lodge room.
When I (and the WM's that bookended me) ran the Lodge, we had those meals in our large dining room, one floor down. That dining room is much larger than what we need, but it is also much more comfortable. I have wondered, from time to time, if family involvement at Centralia fell off because of the switch of dining rooms. If family is going to hang out and enjoy each other while the men are off in a Stated Meeting, they need a comfortable place to do that, not steel folding chairs.
I'll probably be the most unpopular guy here, at least among commenters, but I'm going to jump right to heart of the second question.
I think men need AND deserve a space to be solely among brothers. I think the level of interaction and the sorts of opening up and growth that happen in such an environment is qualitatively different.
Being providers and protectors is part of what we are, and it is natural to want to look after others. Inevitably, in non brother-only spaces, the focus becomes the kids, the spouses, what kind of a time they're having. Is it the sort of event that they like? And that's fine in the vast majority of society and the vast majority of the time.
But it doesn't need to be everywhere, all the time. It's okay for some things to be about the brothers. This is the specific and exact reason I joined masonry. To be among brothers. I'm willing to bet that's why a lot of folks who get raised and then ghost joined for as well, but it's considered taboo to say that you joined a fraternity for fraternity, so they just wander way.
Social events outside of lodge, of course. Lodge picnic? Absolutely. Bowling night, without a doubt. I couldn't imagine NOT having spouses and kids there. The various concordant bodies? That's what they're there for.
Blue Lodge is for the brothers.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
(I'll take my downvotes now.)
Completely agree.
Vince, I agree with you. Men need a place where they can support each other. My wife is totally on board with me going to lodge night and it’s with the guys.
We have a few social events outside of lodge night where family is absolutely invited and we make a point of stating that when we organize that event.
This isn’t a knock against lodges that do want to be more family oriented though. If that is the culture of a lodge, that is also great. My only suggestion to those lodges is do a quality job at it.
>>>My only suggestion to those lodges is do a quality job at it.
I strongly agree. If family is involved, it needs to be a good experience for them, just as the Lodge experience needs to be good for the Masons.
Ultimately, I believe that we can have both or select the experience we prefer. (assuming that we are willing to drive.)
In my time as a Mason, I've really enjoyed Lodges that have really strong family involvement. I've also really enjoyed Lodges that don't. Those Lodges all have really different 'personalities.'
I firmly believe that is a great strength of Freemasonry. Every Lodge is different, to a greater or lesser extent, than every other Lodge. So if we aren't enjoying or connecting with the Lodge experience we are receiving, we need not leave Freemasonry, we simply need to find a Lodge that better suits us.
Long ago of course this wasn't really possible, as travel was hard, but in this day of freeways and cars it is easy to find a Lodge that offers exactly the flavor of Freemasonry that one is looking for.
And I suppose that's why I enjoy my own driving from Lodge to Lodge so much, that variety of Masonic experience.
I'm with Andrew Hammer on this one. Non masons should not be involved in masonic events. For example, going off session during a stated meeting to invite the ladies and guests into the lodge for introductions and a presentation. When I first joined, several lodges had a habit of doing this at every stated meeting. I had done it a few times myself. When I invited Andrew Hammer out to one of my first stated meetings as WM to give a talk, I also advertised the heck out of it, inviting everyone including wives, to come and listen. A mistake, as Andrew had prepared a topic that was catered towards masons, not women. He told me afterwards he was surprised I had done that. The event had about 80 folks sitting around, and he had brought a box of his book to sell, but sadly, not one person bothered to buy a copy. I already had two, so I wasn't going to buy a 3rd. I even donated my paperback copy to the lodge library, and there it sits, gathering dust, along with all the other books on the shelves.
I stopped bringing in non masons into the lodge after that.
There are plenty of opportunities for family to be involved in things outside of masonry, including the OES and the youth groups. I don't see a need for this in our fraternity. My partner is quite happy hanging out with the ladies while the men are doing our meeting on the rare occasions that she tags along.
I agree with Gerry, I need "me time". I am not joined at the hip with my partner. She spends time doing her "girl" things, and I spend time doing my men things. I don't feel the need to include her with everything I do. Some men do, I don't. We spend time together for things we're mutually interested in, but she doesn't share interested in every single thing I do, nor I hers.
>>>going off session during a stated meeting to invite the ladies and guests into the lodge >>>for introductions and a presentation. When I first joined, several lodges had a habit of >>>doing this at every stated meeting.
This is interesting to me, because I've never actually seen a Lodge do this except on extremely rare occasion. Geographical differences I suppose, as I imagine that you and I both became Masons around the same time.
I will say that Centralia Lodge did this twice (as I recall) when VW Clayton was Master (again if memory properly serves.) On one of those occasions the ladies were invited in for an explanation of all the symbolism built into the Lodge room. The Pillars at the stations, the Checkered Pavement, the Blazing Star, the G in the East, and all the rest. The second time, they were invited in to explain to us a bit about all of their organizations. OES, Amaranth, White Shrine, and all the rest. I remember that both of those were highly regarded. But I don't recall any other time Centralia did anything like that.
I did buy a copy of Bro. Hammer's book at your meeting. I already had one, but wanted one of the fancy hardbacks! 🤠 He didn't have any of those, but he took my name down and mailed it when he returned home.
“I will say that Centralia Lodge did this twice (as I recall) when VW Clayton was Master (again if memory properly serves.)”
Yes, at least on the latter one of the two.
“On one of those occasions the ladies were invited in for an explanation of all the symbolism built into the Lodge room.” That was actually at an Eastern Star meeting, when I “badgered” the Worthy Matron to include Masonic Education into one of their meetings. There were three of us who provided Education at the meeting. As you note, I did explain the symbolism found in the Centralia Lodge room, which in this Jurisdiction has some of the richest symbolism in a Masonic Lodge room. The other two touched on Masonic Principles and explained the regalia, floorwork and non-esoteric ritual (installations, etc.) Interestingly enough, I was approached for the next couple of months by the OES ladies who did appreciate the education. Nothing like education to alleviate contention.
The second time was an idea of mine when I was WM of Centralia Lodge in 2017-2018 (a year and a third.) I didn’t know the difference between all those ladies organizations other than the OES (which I joined in 1996 as my family were members,) so I tasked different officers in the Lodge to get members of these organizations to come to the meeting and give an overview. Among those who gave speeches were the state leaders of their organizations (like a Grand Matron, etc.) it filled the lodge room up quite well, and was very well received. Again, the bottom line was education.
These are not bad ideas for any Lodge to try. Women’s Masonic family appendant bodies, youth groups, Concordant bodies. Invite them to come to your meeting and tell your Lodge what they’re all about.
MWPGM Bailey,
The year I was Master, my Webster Masonic Lodge No. 538 started a "First Friday Each Month Spaghetti Dinner". Community organizations volunteered to provide "servers" (often Boy Scout or Girl Scout Troops, or a high school sports team).
The servers sold tickets to friends and family, and earned at least 1/2 of the profit each month (sometimes earned about $1,000). My teenaged son loved operating the dishwashing machine, working in the kitchen with my Blue Lodge Brothers and often a Scoutmaster or High School Coach.
A thousand for a youth group can go a really long way! This seems like an excellent idea for meaningful Lodge involvement with the young folks of the community. Thank you!
MWB Bailey. Given that a core purpose of the Craft is to improve oneself in our various stations, I think we would be remiss to not include family in this equation. One of the largest competing factors for time in life is family. With the modern Mason having to balance their time and schedules I think this could be a way to ease already stretched cable tows. As long as we can find ways to create value for everyone involved.
I remember being dragged to events as a kid where there was little to no accommodation, sans a short table, and shorter chairs.
Perhaps a web accessible survey could be established to identify the will of the Lodge and what kind of events, activities, and kids activities might be established?
Bro. Chad, I do understand where many of these Brothers are coming from. Some have dealt with the Women’s appendant bodies, where sometimes contention prevails over working together, or in some cases where a Mason’s wife brings her toddler son and he crawls all over the Lodge room during an installation ceremony, many Masons would rather keep it to where it’s just the men at the meetings. I’ve seen the above examples first-hand. That being said, I remember attending events at Fraternal halls as a kid myself, and as I got older, I found the conduct of the adults to be inspiring, and it was a large factor to why I joined a Fraternal Organization. If I hadn’t joined the Freemasons, I would have joined the Grange. No doubt about that.
I truly think our Lodge is heading in the right direction. We have a responsibility to behave like inspiring adults to the children who are there. They’re behaving very well, and I hope that our conduct is inspiring to them as those before me were to me.
>>>We have a responsibility to behave like inspiring adults to the children who are there.
Yes, this is really important. Thank you for bringing it up.
If we have spouses in attendance, it is vitally important that we treat them well. Particularly it is important that we remember and heed the spirit of our Third Degree Obligation.
Likewise the kids. If we invite kids, we need to make the environment enjoyable for them. We can't be screaming 'Get Off My Lawn!'
You know, I am really proud of how our Lodge is working with the new family at our dinners. They’ve accepted the kids almost as their own, and from what I can see, none of them feel unwelcome at the dinners. This hasn’t always been the case, so I am quite optimistic of our Lodge’s future, and I haven’t been afraid to let our Brothers know that in person. I think what we’re seeing now can be built upon. But we still must be diligent to make sure the train doesn’t get derailed, as we both know it doesn’t take much to destroy good momentum. I’ve seen a handful of Lodges who were going gangbusters until one or two Brothers toss a monkeywrench into the machine, and it can take many years to recover.
But the bottom line? Yeah, the Lodges in our area are in a good spot right now. I’m enjoying it. 😎
Honestly, I'm not a believer in surveys (if I'm thinking about a survey monkey kind of thing) to determine Lodge events, simply because I find them limiting. Click this box for this choice, click this box for this other choice.
But, I am certainly a believer in 'surveys' exactly like this one. Ask questions and get real, raw answers. It is much less limiting in my view. And thus, (again in my view) much more valuable.
>>>As long as we can find ways to create value for everyone involved.
Exactly. If we are going to make an effort to involve spouses and/or children, we have to make sure that there is value there for them, just as there is (or should be) value in the Tiled Masonic meeting.
LUZVIMINDA Lodge is intentionally designed to be family-oriented, a core principle since its inception. Each scheduled meeting incorporates activities suitable for all members. Consistent with Philippine tradition, fellowship and refreshments are integral components of each gathering.
I've had the honor of attending Luzviminda Lodge a couple of times, and yes indeed, the family involvement is strikingly extensive, and impressive.
I think an “off premises” meal is easy, and it’s something that everyone feels comfortable doing, so that’s a nice default.
St. John’s celebrations are more for us, but you can make them interesting if you think in advance of some games or activities.