Ancient Greeks flocked to the Oracle at Delphi to gain advice from the divine seer. It was no mere coincidence that "Know Thyself" was etched in stone upon the entrance to her temple. Perhaps that statement should be carved on the edifices of all of our temples...
I think the saying that "Tragedy does not create character, it reveals it", is true, but, I don't think we only get to know ourselves when tragedy strikes, but it is probably the way most people do it. Understanding ourselves is a difficult thing to do, tends toward the mystical, and as a consequence most people never really try and do it. At the end of the day the esoteric path is about two things knowing yourself and knowing God. One of the greatest benefits of that path is learning who you are, and avoiding the terrible shock of discovering who you are in the middle of a crisis.
Life is loud and full of distractions. We could lay in bed in the mornings, allowing our minds to soar, but we have to get up to go to work. We could let our imaginations roam while driving to work, but we snap on talk radio. We could let our mind quiet while doing the dishes, but have a podcast playing in the background.
We often don't think because we don't allow ourselves time to think.
I wonder if that was different in Hamilton's time? If less distractions allowed for deeper thought? There seems to be some debate about Hamilton's age, but I seem to recall that he wrote the above words when he was either 15 or 17 years old. And indeed a great many of our Founding Fathers were quite a lot younger than would seem normal for such men.
I performed an interesting, to me, experiment several years ago that I think is relevant. Given all the media swirl of the last decade or so I had already reduced my interactions with media outlets, limiting them to a couple brief periods a day. I also started a process that continues to this day, of controlling who is in my social media stream, all intended to give me mental, emotional and spiritual space to be more authentically me. Well of course that worked but then I decided to look harder at how I am affected by media. As you pointed out we fill our quiet with noise, yeah we often have reasons to do that, but none-the-less we are also not getting much time alone in our own minds. I looked for ways I might be affected that were not obvious. One of them was music. I love music, all kinds and until recently I was open to most kinds including what is currently popular. It occurred to me that music was and always has been a quick access to the unconscious. It's been used for that purpose since humans started walking upright. Constructively used it can have a powerful impact, but I considered the possibility that the converse was true. Music reflects the times, in the popular form. Not just the words, but the rhythm and the tone. I wondered if maybe I was being affected. So, rather than just listen to the radio as I drove I would choose music intended to relax and to calm. So, I stated listening to older music jazz, blues, and folk much from the beginning of the 20th century. Now, before I go further, I still listen to popular music from time to time. It's not that I don't like it. Well the result of my little experiment was that I calmed. I centered. My heart and mind relaxed. I think that running hidden in the background of all media all music, all art, is something akin to a carrier wave carrying an emotional signal. The tone of a podcast, the beat of a song, the colors chosen for a piece of graphic art. It's not intentional, mostly, it's a reflection of the times and that sets up a feedback cycle that can control you. Try it, see what happens.
I too have made efforts to get my media consumption, traditional, new, and social under control. Currently I get my traditional news from my local paper, one very large left wing paper of worldwide scope, and a couple small right wing papers. I figure that is the only way to actually be informed.
In the new media world, I have one national podcast that I enjoy, and one local. Those are entertainment more than anything though. I also read a great deal here on Substack. I see that I subscribe to about 300 different Substacks, across a vast range of topics. I go through the essays every day and ponder those that I enjoy or find value in.
I've almost completely cut away social media. Using it only for personal and fraternal things. News and hot takes on social media are garbage, created only for clicks. No wisdom to be found there.
I had not however considered curating my music consumption for emotional state. My own musical interests are mighty eclectic though, so I can see how that could work well. I've not considered it, but I imagine that currently I choose my music to fit my mood, but it could certainly work well the other way too. Thanks!
The brother who succeeded MW Cameron as Grand Master of Free & Accepted Masons of Washington (state) selected "Gnōthi seautón," most frequently translated from Greek into English as "Know Thyself," as the motto for his year in the Grand East. It was an excellent choice.
The first of the Delphic Maxims or Aphorisms, it precedes, "Mēdèn ágan," most frequently translated as "Nothing in Excess" or "Know Your Limits" and "Engúa pára d' Áta," frequently translated as "Surety or Certainty Bring Ruin" and sometimes interpreted as a warning against making pledges or guarantees.
The concept of self-knowledge has found its way into multiple schools of philosophy, including Hermeticism and Neoplatonism. It should be no surprise that we find the concept prevalent in the Western Enlightenment and in speculative Freemasonry.
I also think it was a pretty radical departure from the norm. Without digging out all my GM coins and reading these past mottos, it seems to me that almost all of them (including mine) are in some way about Freemasonry itself, a vision for Freemasonry itself.
MW Ed's wasn't that. Instead it was about the individual Mason himself. The man, not the man's Craft. That was a really solid choice on his part.
It was my privilege to serve as one of MW Ed's District Deputies. That motto provided me with an excellent body of philosophical material from which to draw as I visited Lodges and spoke about the Grand Master's message.
My observation is that each Freemason's path is unique. An individual journey of discovery that occurs in a group known as a Lodge. I believe our (my) role as a leader in Freemasonry is to help our less experienced brothers in the Craft find and pursue their unique paths. I try to avoid being overly prescriptive or letting my experience be mistaken for the correct path for others.
>>>I believe our (my) role as a leader in Freemasonry is to help our less >>>experienced brothers in the Craft find and pursue their unique paths. I try to >>>avoid being overly prescriptive or letting my experience be mistaken for the >>>correct path for others.
I think this is exactly right.
When I was a brand spankin' new Mason, Andre was my mentor. And he discerned that I was interested in lots of the stuff behind our ritual, as he was. And he gave me stuff about that, from an angle that he found interesting.
But, I didn't find it interesting. So, he then found me resources that I found interesting, despite his not finding them interesting.
One of the best quotes that came out of the movie wall street was from a side character named Lou Manheim (played by Hal Holbrook) "Man looks in the abyss, there's nothing staring back at him. At that moment, man finds his character. And that is what keeps him out of the abyss."
It is a scene that really resonated with me. Keep in mind, the charter of Bud Fox (Charlie Sheen) has let his moral compass stray in the pursuit of wealth, being between Gordon Gecko (Michael Douglas) and his father (Martin Sheen). Moral decay versus moral integrity. While some may not like Oliver Stone (I can't stand him) this movie is excellent for displaying the growth of a person's integrity and what is right when facing certain destruction (jail and losing everything). Succumbing to the allures of easy wealth versus being honest and finally realizing it in the end wasn't worth it.
Life doesn't aways teach those lessons, and that is why corruption and greed sometimes prevails in humankind.
It seems to me ... now ... just as when I was a child ... that folks ... in this case many masonic brothers ... work too hard at making reflective and recursive introspective philosophical meta logic games with words ... when what is both simpler ... and more useful ... is to ... as winston churchill put it so rudely .... "just keep buggering on" ... pick your values .... and then get bloody busy doing actions cosistent and congruent with those chosen values ... all the rest is just noise ...
ergo ... instead of all this historical and other reflections ... how about buying some lab gear and chasing down disease causes and solutions ... buy some tools and file a non-profit and build up a non-profit school for tradecraft skills no longer taught in public schools ... so kids come out of hight school with a marketable trade and license .... or get together and start a few small cottage industry companies to employ folks who need the jobs but lack the discipline and capital to get started themselves? ...
I might add to this rant / diatribe .... that one of the reasons we have such trouble recruiting and retaining active members ... is because men are looking for something worthy to DO with their time and lives ... and if we are not DOING ... then we are not offering them exactly what they need most ... a WORTHY MISSION ...
Navy Seals and other organizations with clear WORTHY MISSIONS have vast numbers of excess applicants ... even though the training and operations are very difficult and might result in their deaths ...
So ... perhaps we should ask ... why are good men willing to invest in suffering and even risk high probabilities of disability or death ... at higher rates than men are willing to join and stay active in masonry ?
my surmised answer: WORTHY MISSION and ACTION ...
so folks ... instead of ruminating on the history of our craft and the history of the nation or world ... how about we straighten our spines up, do what we can to suck those bellies in ... and get busy doing real and useful things ... instead of armchair philosophical musings ...
what am i Doing today ?
helping to fix a neighbors car
then
volunteering to do taxes for folks at the library
then
fixing a toilet for someone
then
filing a non-profit for a group starting a food bank
I love your commentary, my brother. What I write below may sound like I disagree, but I do agree. I just want to challenge you 'a smidge.'
Is it possible to both be reflective AND take positive action? Is this an 'OR' choice? Shouldn't thoughtful internal reflection lead the honest seeker to external action?
Hermetic philosophy emphasizes internal reflection as a precursor to external effectiveness. First changing the microcosm before tackling the macrocosm. I doubt he would have considered himself a Hermetic philosopher, but Stephen R. Covey emphasized reflection on our motivations before taking action. One of his many quotables was "Private victories precede public victories," and that examining and changing our internal motives can make a difference in our impact on others.
Again, I really loved what you said here. It made the dialogue better.
If you have a choice between attending a Stated Meeting ... or helping a neighbor keep their home and family together by fixing their car that broke down that night ... so they can get to work the next day and keep their job ... and income ...
Which better reflects our values are Masons ?
Me ... I think we ought to find ourselves increasingly ... acting not as a charity organization ... nor as a pure philosophical organization ... but rather ... returning to the understanding that it is not what we SAY ... but what we DO that matters in the end ...
Our communities just us as an organization and our members based on what they see our lodges and our members DO in the community ... not on our stated philosophies or heritage history ...
Our own brothers just our lodges and their investment in being active ... on the same grounds ...
IF we are to actually be anything other than a men's club for lonely old guys and a few hopeful young to socialize ... we need to get busy and active doing things other than just history lessons and rituals ...
my 2 cents and worth every penny you paid for them ... wink ...
my you have fair winds and following seas ... and the pith and wisdom to survive the storms ...
Your question is a good one I think, and for me, unquestionably the choice to help a neighbor and skip a Stated Meeting is the choice that better reflects Masonic values.
And I do not disagree, a worthy mission is vital for Freemasonry to thrive. I think that what Masons see as a worthy mission will be different from Mason to Mason, hence the diversity we see in the Craft of today, and in the past. But, as you point out, without a worthy mission, what is the point of it all.
I would argue that improvement of the self can be, and is a worthy mission. Perhaps such change happens slowly, and isn't really visible, but I do believe it is one of the things our Craft promises, and something that many are seeking.
be your authentic self ... do not let your values, your talents, your instrinsic nature be degraded by others' social choices or values ... others' morals or lack thereof ... be of an independent mind and spirit ...
BE AUTHENTIC to who and what are you are by your unique biology and cognition and chosen values and feelings ...
I can KNOW MYSELF ... but let myself get stuck living a life that is not consistent or congruent with my instrinsic nature ... and chosen values ...
I like the ancient maxim, but I certainly won't disagree with 'be yourself' either. I do think that when we try to live in a less than authentic way, we do great harm to ourselves. As you point out, we are much better off, and I have to imagine, much happier when we can live authentically. Thanks Brother!
I was twenty four. I had a wife and two very young children who depended entirely on me. I contracted an antibiotic resistant pneumonia, and while it was a terrible experience, I now see it as a gift.
In my haste to grow a career and advance a vain ego, I had overlooked what truly mattered.
Three months confined to a recliner, moving between doctors offices and hospital rooms, left me barely able to walk. My extremities would turn blue from lack of oxygen. The physical weakness forced something deeper. A confrontation with my own ego, followed by an outward look at what was genuinely important to me.
I had to come to terms with my temporary nature.
I understood that once my death occurred, my family would be devastated for a week. They would gather, they would grieve, and they would eat. A month later my affairs would be settled. My children would grow up with whatever limited influence I had managed to leave behind.
So I prepared.
I recorded videos for both of my sons. I spoke to my mother and my wife about my affairs. I made my brothers promise they would help raise my children. I faced death on its terms, and it was not negotiable.
As you can guess, I survived.
Recovery took years and left me with permanently scarred lungs. But death had already done its work. It came to me, and I knew it.
In truth, it was a gift.
It showed me who I was and what mattered. It forced an internal struggle that might otherwise have taken decades. In its presence, I discarded what I now consider vain. I learned patience where it mattered. I learned to enjoy the simple sound of children playing. I set down what was material, childish, and selfish.
I am in no way perfect.
But I am grateful for the change that deaths mere presence brought into my life.
The beginning of a better you is to truly know yourself.
I'm sorry that the software seems to have cut your comment off here. I did see its full length on notes, so will include the remainder below:
"it forced an internal struggle that might otherwise have taken decades. In its presence, I discarded what I now consider vain. I learned patience where it mattered. I learned to enjoy the simple sound of children playing. I set down what was material, childish, and selfish.
I am in no way perfect.
But I am grateful for the change that deaths mere presence brought into my life.
The beginning of a better you is to truly know yourself."
I am sorry that you had to go through such a terrifying struggle, even though you now see it as a gift. And I can understand why you see it in that way.
I've never had a struggle or a scare like that, but I think I've come to terms with my own death, whenever it may happen. When I reflect on my life, I see that I've done what I want to do, accomplished those things I've wanted to accomplish. I've got three daughters heading into middle age and well situated in their lives, plus granddaughters, one of whom is old enough to remember me well.
When my time is up, that's OK with me.
I know that I didn't and wouldn't have felt the same way when I was younger with things I still wanted to accomplish in front of me.
I've actually discussed this with my wife in the past few days. She understands why I feel as I do (I think) but I don't think she shares the feeling.
It is often in the face of impossible choices that we discover clarity of thought, of heart, and of mind. Often we are comfortable allowing things to stay as they are until they are too painful to continue as they are. Forcing us to shift our actions or perspectives to address them. Things we once might have simply resolved then become monumental undertakings requiring significant sacrifice and effort to overcome.
Ancient Greeks flocked to the Oracle at Delphi to gain advice from the divine seer. It was no mere coincidence that "Know Thyself" was etched in stone upon the entrance to her temple. Perhaps that statement should be carved on the edifices of all of our temples...
I certainly know a Mason or two who would be eager to grab a chisel and start carving that above our doors!
I think the saying that "Tragedy does not create character, it reveals it", is true, but, I don't think we only get to know ourselves when tragedy strikes, but it is probably the way most people do it. Understanding ourselves is a difficult thing to do, tends toward the mystical, and as a consequence most people never really try and do it. At the end of the day the esoteric path is about two things knowing yourself and knowing God. One of the greatest benefits of that path is learning who you are, and avoiding the terrible shock of discovering who you are in the middle of a crisis.
Life is loud and full of distractions. We could lay in bed in the mornings, allowing our minds to soar, but we have to get up to go to work. We could let our imaginations roam while driving to work, but we snap on talk radio. We could let our mind quiet while doing the dishes, but have a podcast playing in the background.
We often don't think because we don't allow ourselves time to think.
I wonder if that was different in Hamilton's time? If less distractions allowed for deeper thought? There seems to be some debate about Hamilton's age, but I seem to recall that he wrote the above words when he was either 15 or 17 years old. And indeed a great many of our Founding Fathers were quite a lot younger than would seem normal for such men.
I performed an interesting, to me, experiment several years ago that I think is relevant. Given all the media swirl of the last decade or so I had already reduced my interactions with media outlets, limiting them to a couple brief periods a day. I also started a process that continues to this day, of controlling who is in my social media stream, all intended to give me mental, emotional and spiritual space to be more authentically me. Well of course that worked but then I decided to look harder at how I am affected by media. As you pointed out we fill our quiet with noise, yeah we often have reasons to do that, but none-the-less we are also not getting much time alone in our own minds. I looked for ways I might be affected that were not obvious. One of them was music. I love music, all kinds and until recently I was open to most kinds including what is currently popular. It occurred to me that music was and always has been a quick access to the unconscious. It's been used for that purpose since humans started walking upright. Constructively used it can have a powerful impact, but I considered the possibility that the converse was true. Music reflects the times, in the popular form. Not just the words, but the rhythm and the tone. I wondered if maybe I was being affected. So, rather than just listen to the radio as I drove I would choose music intended to relax and to calm. So, I stated listening to older music jazz, blues, and folk much from the beginning of the 20th century. Now, before I go further, I still listen to popular music from time to time. It's not that I don't like it. Well the result of my little experiment was that I calmed. I centered. My heart and mind relaxed. I think that running hidden in the background of all media all music, all art, is something akin to a carrier wave carrying an emotional signal. The tone of a podcast, the beat of a song, the colors chosen for a piece of graphic art. It's not intentional, mostly, it's a reflection of the times and that sets up a feedback cycle that can control you. Try it, see what happens.
I too have made efforts to get my media consumption, traditional, new, and social under control. Currently I get my traditional news from my local paper, one very large left wing paper of worldwide scope, and a couple small right wing papers. I figure that is the only way to actually be informed.
In the new media world, I have one national podcast that I enjoy, and one local. Those are entertainment more than anything though. I also read a great deal here on Substack. I see that I subscribe to about 300 different Substacks, across a vast range of topics. I go through the essays every day and ponder those that I enjoy or find value in.
I've almost completely cut away social media. Using it only for personal and fraternal things. News and hot takes on social media are garbage, created only for clicks. No wisdom to be found there.
I had not however considered curating my music consumption for emotional state. My own musical interests are mighty eclectic though, so I can see how that could work well. I've not considered it, but I imagine that currently I choose my music to fit my mood, but it could certainly work well the other way too. Thanks!
The brother who succeeded MW Cameron as Grand Master of Free & Accepted Masons of Washington (state) selected "Gnōthi seautón," most frequently translated from Greek into English as "Know Thyself," as the motto for his year in the Grand East. It was an excellent choice.
The first of the Delphic Maxims or Aphorisms, it precedes, "Mēdèn ágan," most frequently translated as "Nothing in Excess" or "Know Your Limits" and "Engúa pára d' Áta," frequently translated as "Surety or Certainty Bring Ruin" and sometimes interpreted as a warning against making pledges or guarantees.
The concept of self-knowledge has found its way into multiple schools of philosophy, including Hermeticism and Neoplatonism. It should be no surprise that we find the concept prevalent in the Western Enlightenment and in speculative Freemasonry.
It's extremely good advice.
I agree, MW Ed's motto was an exceptional choice.
I also think it was a pretty radical departure from the norm. Without digging out all my GM coins and reading these past mottos, it seems to me that almost all of them (including mine) are in some way about Freemasonry itself, a vision for Freemasonry itself.
MW Ed's wasn't that. Instead it was about the individual Mason himself. The man, not the man's Craft. That was a really solid choice on his part.
It was my privilege to serve as one of MW Ed's District Deputies. That motto provided me with an excellent body of philosophical material from which to draw as I visited Lodges and spoke about the Grand Master's message.
My observation is that each Freemason's path is unique. An individual journey of discovery that occurs in a group known as a Lodge. I believe our (my) role as a leader in Freemasonry is to help our less experienced brothers in the Craft find and pursue their unique paths. I try to avoid being overly prescriptive or letting my experience be mistaken for the correct path for others.
>>>I believe our (my) role as a leader in Freemasonry is to help our less >>>experienced brothers in the Craft find and pursue their unique paths. I try to >>>avoid being overly prescriptive or letting my experience be mistaken for the >>>correct path for others.
I think this is exactly right.
When I was a brand spankin' new Mason, Andre was my mentor. And he discerned that I was interested in lots of the stuff behind our ritual, as he was. And he gave me stuff about that, from an angle that he found interesting.
But, I didn't find it interesting. So, he then found me resources that I found interesting, despite his not finding them interesting.
And that got me off to a truly superb start.
One of the best quotes that came out of the movie wall street was from a side character named Lou Manheim (played by Hal Holbrook) "Man looks in the abyss, there's nothing staring back at him. At that moment, man finds his character. And that is what keeps him out of the abyss."
It is a scene that really resonated with me. Keep in mind, the charter of Bud Fox (Charlie Sheen) has let his moral compass stray in the pursuit of wealth, being between Gordon Gecko (Michael Douglas) and his father (Martin Sheen). Moral decay versus moral integrity. While some may not like Oliver Stone (I can't stand him) this movie is excellent for displaying the growth of a person's integrity and what is right when facing certain destruction (jail and losing everything). Succumbing to the allures of easy wealth versus being honest and finally realizing it in the end wasn't worth it.
Life doesn't aways teach those lessons, and that is why corruption and greed sometimes prevails in humankind.
I remember really loving that movie, but I haven't watched it in a very long time. I think that I'll have to remedy that in the next few days.
It seems to me ... now ... just as when I was a child ... that folks ... in this case many masonic brothers ... work too hard at making reflective and recursive introspective philosophical meta logic games with words ... when what is both simpler ... and more useful ... is to ... as winston churchill put it so rudely .... "just keep buggering on" ... pick your values .... and then get bloody busy doing actions cosistent and congruent with those chosen values ... all the rest is just noise ...
ergo ... instead of all this historical and other reflections ... how about buying some lab gear and chasing down disease causes and solutions ... buy some tools and file a non-profit and build up a non-profit school for tradecraft skills no longer taught in public schools ... so kids come out of hight school with a marketable trade and license .... or get together and start a few small cottage industry companies to employ folks who need the jobs but lack the discipline and capital to get started themselves? ...
I might add to this rant / diatribe .... that one of the reasons we have such trouble recruiting and retaining active members ... is because men are looking for something worthy to DO with their time and lives ... and if we are not DOING ... then we are not offering them exactly what they need most ... a WORTHY MISSION ...
Navy Seals and other organizations with clear WORTHY MISSIONS have vast numbers of excess applicants ... even though the training and operations are very difficult and might result in their deaths ...
So ... perhaps we should ask ... why are good men willing to invest in suffering and even risk high probabilities of disability or death ... at higher rates than men are willing to join and stay active in masonry ?
my surmised answer: WORTHY MISSION and ACTION ...
so folks ... instead of ruminating on the history of our craft and the history of the nation or world ... how about we straighten our spines up, do what we can to suck those bellies in ... and get busy doing real and useful things ... instead of armchair philosophical musings ...
what am i Doing today ?
helping to fix a neighbors car
then
volunteering to do taxes for folks at the library
then
fixing a toilet for someone
then
filing a non-profit for a group starting a food bank
that is my day
what are you doing with YOUR day ?
I love your commentary, my brother. What I write below may sound like I disagree, but I do agree. I just want to challenge you 'a smidge.'
Is it possible to both be reflective AND take positive action? Is this an 'OR' choice? Shouldn't thoughtful internal reflection lead the honest seeker to external action?
Hermetic philosophy emphasizes internal reflection as a precursor to external effectiveness. First changing the microcosm before tackling the macrocosm. I doubt he would have considered himself a Hermetic philosopher, but Stephen R. Covey emphasized reflection on our motivations before taking action. One of his many quotables was "Private victories precede public victories," and that examining and changing our internal motives can make a difference in our impact on others.
Again, I really loved what you said here. It made the dialogue better.
Here is a concomitant or correlary query ...
If you have a choice between attending a Stated Meeting ... or helping a neighbor keep their home and family together by fixing their car that broke down that night ... so they can get to work the next day and keep their job ... and income ...
Which better reflects our values are Masons ?
Me ... I think we ought to find ourselves increasingly ... acting not as a charity organization ... nor as a pure philosophical organization ... but rather ... returning to the understanding that it is not what we SAY ... but what we DO that matters in the end ...
Our communities just us as an organization and our members based on what they see our lodges and our members DO in the community ... not on our stated philosophies or heritage history ...
Our own brothers just our lodges and their investment in being active ... on the same grounds ...
IF we are to actually be anything other than a men's club for lonely old guys and a few hopeful young to socialize ... we need to get busy and active doing things other than just history lessons and rituals ...
my 2 cents and worth every penny you paid for them ... wink ...
my you have fair winds and following seas ... and the pith and wisdom to survive the storms ...
Your question is a good one I think, and for me, unquestionably the choice to help a neighbor and skip a Stated Meeting is the choice that better reflects Masonic values.
And I do not disagree, a worthy mission is vital for Freemasonry to thrive. I think that what Masons see as a worthy mission will be different from Mason to Mason, hence the diversity we see in the Craft of today, and in the past. But, as you point out, without a worthy mission, what is the point of it all.
I would argue that improvement of the self can be, and is a worthy mission. Perhaps such change happens slowly, and isn't really visible, but I do believe it is one of the things our Craft promises, and something that many are seeking.
instead of "know thyself"
i would advocate for a simpler version
BE YOURSELF
be your authentic self ... do not let your values, your talents, your instrinsic nature be degraded by others' social choices or values ... others' morals or lack thereof ... be of an independent mind and spirit ...
BE AUTHENTIC to who and what are you are by your unique biology and cognition and chosen values and feelings ...
I can KNOW MYSELF ... but let myself get stuck living a life that is not consistent or congruent with my instrinsic nature ... and chosen values ...
BE TRUE TO YOURSELF
BE AUTHENTIC
is I think better advice ... wink
I like the ancient maxim, but I certainly won't disagree with 'be yourself' either. I do think that when we try to live in a less than authentic way, we do great harm to ourselves. As you point out, we are much better off, and I have to imagine, much happier when we can live authentically. Thanks Brother!
Death came to me earlier than it should have.
I was twenty four. I had a wife and two very young children who depended entirely on me. I contracted an antibiotic resistant pneumonia, and while it was a terrible experience, I now see it as a gift.
In my haste to grow a career and advance a vain ego, I had overlooked what truly mattered.
Three months confined to a recliner, moving between doctors offices and hospital rooms, left me barely able to walk. My extremities would turn blue from lack of oxygen. The physical weakness forced something deeper. A confrontation with my own ego, followed by an outward look at what was genuinely important to me.
I had to come to terms with my temporary nature.
I understood that once my death occurred, my family would be devastated for a week. They would gather, they would grieve, and they would eat. A month later my affairs would be settled. My children would grow up with whatever limited influence I had managed to leave behind.
So I prepared.
I recorded videos for both of my sons. I spoke to my mother and my wife about my affairs. I made my brothers promise they would help raise my children. I faced death on its terms, and it was not negotiable.
As you can guess, I survived.
Recovery took years and left me with permanently scarred lungs. But death had already done its work. It came to me, and I knew it.
In truth, it was a gift.
It showed me who I was and what mattered. It forced an internal struggle that might otherwise have taken decades. In its presence, I discarded what I now consider vain. I learned patience where it mattered. I learned to enjoy the simple sound of children playing. I set down what was material, childish, and selfish.
I am in no way perfect.
But I am grateful for the change that deaths mere presence brought into my life.
The beginning of a better you is to truly know yourself.
I'm sorry that the software seems to have cut your comment off here. I did see its full length on notes, so will include the remainder below:
"it forced an internal struggle that might otherwise have taken decades. In its presence, I discarded what I now consider vain. I learned patience where it mattered. I learned to enjoy the simple sound of children playing. I set down what was material, childish, and selfish.
I am in no way perfect.
But I am grateful for the change that deaths mere presence brought into my life.
The beginning of a better you is to truly know yourself."
I am sorry that you had to go through such a terrifying struggle, even though you now see it as a gift. And I can understand why you see it in that way.
I've never had a struggle or a scare like that, but I think I've come to terms with my own death, whenever it may happen. When I reflect on my life, I see that I've done what I want to do, accomplished those things I've wanted to accomplish. I've got three daughters heading into middle age and well situated in their lives, plus granddaughters, one of whom is old enough to remember me well.
When my time is up, that's OK with me.
I know that I didn't and wouldn't have felt the same way when I was younger with things I still wanted to accomplish in front of me.
I've actually discussed this with my wife in the past few days. She understands why I feel as I do (I think) but I don't think she shares the feeling.
It is often in the face of impossible choices that we discover clarity of thought, of heart, and of mind. Often we are comfortable allowing things to stay as they are until they are too painful to continue as they are. Forcing us to shift our actions or perspectives to address them. Things we once might have simply resolved then become monumental undertakings requiring significant sacrifice and effort to overcome.