I remember someone telling me as a kid that Church Pastors used to do this back in the day, particularly with the smaller, community churches, but I also remember someone telling me a Catholic Pastor would do the same thing. Not to badger, but to see if their family is okay, things like that.
From time to time, I’d run across a formerly active member of our Lodge in my travels at the grocery store, hardware store, etc. The cool thing is a lot of the time, that formerly active member would stop me and say hi, because I didn’t notice them, like they’d come up behind me, for example. A nice conversation would ensue, and they’d tell me what’s going on in their lives, and more often than not, they looked forward to the day when they can return to being active. And every time, I’d tell them I miss them, and we miss them. I know that has meaning to them.
But it takes more than one member. For some of these formerly active members, it gets to the point where Clayton engages them, and Clayton misses them, but seemingly not the Lodge. So I end up keeping a friend, but the Lodge loses a member. And for me personally, that’s great, I’m glad to keep these good Brothers in my circle of friends, and to me, still Brothers, but I’m still disappointed that I can’t get the Brother back to active again; the Lodge still has to step up to the plate. So the one call is definitely a big step in the right direction, but more than one call, from more than one Brother, is even better.
And that one call or conversation in the public space CANNOT be badgering. I’ve seen it before where one of the members of my Lodge would go: “HEY, I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU IN LODGE!” (All caps indicating his loud way of talking) and the formerly active member would agree that he hasn’t been coming to meetings lately, and our member would answer, “WELL, WHY NOT?” This kind of engagement, to me, is even worse than not engaging him at all. Some of the older generation truly don’t see why I think this way, but for me, I think it puts that formerly active member on the defensive. But that’s me. I think you have to engage them in a manner where they would feel welcome to come back when the circumstances allow it, rather than making them feel guilty for not being able to attend.
Keep in mind that the man may have decades of rejection trauma who doesn't even know what real friendship looks like. If he came to masonry looking for friends but found only dull business, fruitless unpaid labor, and requests for money, he won't be around long no matter how much you reach out.
A very good point. We obligate ourselves as brothers! Act like it. Talk to your brothers at home. Call them. Go over for a visit or to help them work on a project. Don’t just talk brotherhood. Live it. Reach out if they are in trouble. Help them. Not just 2 or 3 of you, but every lodge member needs to step up and engage.
One thing I've noticed is that oftentimes these things are seen as Lodge responsibilities, when in fact they are individual responsibilities. We have knelt at the altar and pledged ourselves to Brotherhood, we've all done it, not just the WM or the Secretary. As a result, as you say, we all have to act as Brothers should act. Develop those bonds between ourselves and our fellow Masons.
I agree, I don't have an issue with reaching out to a brother to see if there is something they need, or if they need help in some way. But I draw the line at begging, badgering, or guilting them into coming back. They made a decision to spend their time elsewhere, for whatever reason. It's a free(ish) country and we're a volunteer organization.
It's also harder for new(ish again) masons, as they don't have any relationships with those brothers that haven't stepped foot in lodge in years. I've mentioned it before, but one year our lodge did a past master's night, and 23 showed up. I knew four. I had never met them, had no history with them, and had no shared experiences with them to relate to. I don't know why they stopped coming, and they didn't mention it. From my POV, its not my position to pester men who I had never met in my life.
You are exactly right. We don't want to be pestering or guilting Masons who have decided to go inactive.
But we do, in my view, want that new Mason to know that we missed seeing him in Lodge, because that communicates to him that we enjoy seeing him in Lodge. It shows that we care.
As you point out though, within reason. We want to show him that we care, not badger him to death.
I agree with you that our retention rate, in total, is not great. Calling new brothers is certainly a worthy effort. Yes, work commitments or other legitimate reasons can conflict with a lodge meeting.
However, if brothers aren’t coming back the issue we must face is they are likely disappointed with their experience. In other words, he’s voting with his feet. Further, it takes a strong person to share that his expectations aren’t being met and and even stronger brother to receive that information.
I think in repeat cases of lodges with low retention rates, it needs to consider the possibility that they are not fulfilling a Masons expectation.
Best way to avoid this twofold:
1. Run a great and educational meeting
2. Set expectations with a seeker up front. Talk about your lodge and things you focus on.
There are additional ways to keep brothers engaged but these are pretty core.
I have a hard time believing that a new brother who has gone through the six steps is not feeling welcome. I suppose it could happen and yes, a call should be made.
I agree, we must offer him a compelling reason to attend. If we don't we'll never fix our retention issues, no matter how hard we try.
But I don't think it's quite the same as not feeling welcome, more so a lack of noticing.
I'll try to explain what I mean with an example from my own Masonic career:
Long ago they made me a District Deputy, and along with that, told me that I needed to make all these regular reports up the chain. No problem, I like writing stuff.
So, for my first year as a Deputy, I made those reports, like clockwork, quite religiously.
My second year as a Deputy, I spent a great deal of time with our then Grand Master. And, due to a crazy busy schedule, I missed a report. No one said anything. Then that made it easier to miss a second report, no one said anything. On and on. Ultimately I ended up missing virtually every report that year.
The fact that no one ever said anything very clearly communicated to me two things:
1. That no one cared if I made those reports or not.
2. That no one actually read the things anyway.
That's what we are doing if we fail to call the new Mason who misses his first meeting I think. We are communicating to him that we don't really care that he missed, or much about him.
To take my little story full circle, I had mentioned all of this to a very good friend, who was later also appointed Deputy. The kind of guy who enjoys pushing the envelope, he did the reports, but he wrote crazy half offensive things in them to see if anyone actually read them. He was never called out for these things he included in those reports, proving that no one ever actually bothered to read them.
When I was first made a Mason, I wasn't allowed to drive myself to Lodge for quite some time. Rather a Brother of the Lodge would pick me up and take me with him. That was a superb way to build a friendship within the Lodge.
Bravo, MWB Cameron!
Thanks!
I remember someone telling me as a kid that Church Pastors used to do this back in the day, particularly with the smaller, community churches, but I also remember someone telling me a Catholic Pastor would do the same thing. Not to badger, but to see if their family is okay, things like that.
From time to time, I’d run across a formerly active member of our Lodge in my travels at the grocery store, hardware store, etc. The cool thing is a lot of the time, that formerly active member would stop me and say hi, because I didn’t notice them, like they’d come up behind me, for example. A nice conversation would ensue, and they’d tell me what’s going on in their lives, and more often than not, they looked forward to the day when they can return to being active. And every time, I’d tell them I miss them, and we miss them. I know that has meaning to them.
But it takes more than one member. For some of these formerly active members, it gets to the point where Clayton engages them, and Clayton misses them, but seemingly not the Lodge. So I end up keeping a friend, but the Lodge loses a member. And for me personally, that’s great, I’m glad to keep these good Brothers in my circle of friends, and to me, still Brothers, but I’m still disappointed that I can’t get the Brother back to active again; the Lodge still has to step up to the plate. So the one call is definitely a big step in the right direction, but more than one call, from more than one Brother, is even better.
And that one call or conversation in the public space CANNOT be badgering. I’ve seen it before where one of the members of my Lodge would go: “HEY, I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU IN LODGE!” (All caps indicating his loud way of talking) and the formerly active member would agree that he hasn’t been coming to meetings lately, and our member would answer, “WELL, WHY NOT?” This kind of engagement, to me, is even worse than not engaging him at all. Some of the older generation truly don’t see why I think this way, but for me, I think it puts that formerly active member on the defensive. But that’s me. I think you have to engage them in a manner where they would feel welcome to come back when the circumstances allow it, rather than making them feel guilty for not being able to attend.
Your point is well taken. There is a big difference between that which is perceived as care vs that which is perceived as badgering.
Keep in mind that the man may have decades of rejection trauma who doesn't even know what real friendship looks like. If he came to masonry looking for friends but found only dull business, fruitless unpaid labor, and requests for money, he won't be around long no matter how much you reach out.
Good point Brother. We must provide value if we hope to retain Masons.
A very good point. We obligate ourselves as brothers! Act like it. Talk to your brothers at home. Call them. Go over for a visit or to help them work on a project. Don’t just talk brotherhood. Live it. Reach out if they are in trouble. Help them. Not just 2 or 3 of you, but every lodge member needs to step up and engage.
One thing I've noticed is that oftentimes these things are seen as Lodge responsibilities, when in fact they are individual responsibilities. We have knelt at the altar and pledged ourselves to Brotherhood, we've all done it, not just the WM or the Secretary. As a result, as you say, we all have to act as Brothers should act. Develop those bonds between ourselves and our fellow Masons.
I agree, I don't have an issue with reaching out to a brother to see if there is something they need, or if they need help in some way. But I draw the line at begging, badgering, or guilting them into coming back. They made a decision to spend their time elsewhere, for whatever reason. It's a free(ish) country and we're a volunteer organization.
It's also harder for new(ish again) masons, as they don't have any relationships with those brothers that haven't stepped foot in lodge in years. I've mentioned it before, but one year our lodge did a past master's night, and 23 showed up. I knew four. I had never met them, had no history with them, and had no shared experiences with them to relate to. I don't know why they stopped coming, and they didn't mention it. From my POV, its not my position to pester men who I had never met in my life.
You are exactly right. We don't want to be pestering or guilting Masons who have decided to go inactive.
But we do, in my view, want that new Mason to know that we missed seeing him in Lodge, because that communicates to him that we enjoy seeing him in Lodge. It shows that we care.
As you point out though, within reason. We want to show him that we care, not badger him to death.
I agree with you that our retention rate, in total, is not great. Calling new brothers is certainly a worthy effort. Yes, work commitments or other legitimate reasons can conflict with a lodge meeting.
However, if brothers aren’t coming back the issue we must face is they are likely disappointed with their experience. In other words, he’s voting with his feet. Further, it takes a strong person to share that his expectations aren’t being met and and even stronger brother to receive that information.
I think in repeat cases of lodges with low retention rates, it needs to consider the possibility that they are not fulfilling a Masons expectation.
Best way to avoid this twofold:
1. Run a great and educational meeting
2. Set expectations with a seeker up front. Talk about your lodge and things you focus on.
There are additional ways to keep brothers engaged but these are pretty core.
I have a hard time believing that a new brother who has gone through the six steps is not feeling welcome. I suppose it could happen and yes, a call should be made.
I agree, we must offer him a compelling reason to attend. If we don't we'll never fix our retention issues, no matter how hard we try.
But I don't think it's quite the same as not feeling welcome, more so a lack of noticing.
I'll try to explain what I mean with an example from my own Masonic career:
Long ago they made me a District Deputy, and along with that, told me that I needed to make all these regular reports up the chain. No problem, I like writing stuff.
So, for my first year as a Deputy, I made those reports, like clockwork, quite religiously.
My second year as a Deputy, I spent a great deal of time with our then Grand Master. And, due to a crazy busy schedule, I missed a report. No one said anything. Then that made it easier to miss a second report, no one said anything. On and on. Ultimately I ended up missing virtually every report that year.
The fact that no one ever said anything very clearly communicated to me two things:
1. That no one cared if I made those reports or not.
2. That no one actually read the things anyway.
That's what we are doing if we fail to call the new Mason who misses his first meeting I think. We are communicating to him that we don't really care that he missed, or much about him.
To take my little story full circle, I had mentioned all of this to a very good friend, who was later also appointed Deputy. The kind of guy who enjoys pushing the envelope, he did the reports, but he wrote crazy half offensive things in them to see if anyone actually read them. He was never called out for these things he included in those reports, proving that no one ever actually bothered to read them.
Better thab calling is yo offer him a ride
When I was first made a Mason, I wasn't allowed to drive myself to Lodge for quite some time. Rather a Brother of the Lodge would pick me up and take me with him. That was a superb way to build a friendship within the Lodge.