Contemplating World Domination
I wonder if my RW Brother from Arkansans wants to join me?
I presume that everyone will know, but just in case, I’ll mention that this post is satire.
Here I was, just relaxing on this fine Sunday afternoon, having just hired our new dog sitter, when I made the mistake of clicking onto Facebook.
From there, I discover that I really am an evil dude.
And from that, I deduce that not only am I an evil dude, but I get to be double evil!
Plus, I guess I’m a commie. I always thought I was pretty much a libertarian, but apparently not, commie I am.
All hail Lenin!
I actually have a Lenin story. This bit of this post is actually true, by the way. As the Soviet Union was in its final throes, my grandparents decided it would be a good idea to visit. One stop on their trip was Lenin’s tomb. While inside, in the line of shuffling visitors, my grandmother whispered something to my grandfather about the whole thing being rather morbid. She was overheard by a guard. Apparently those guarding the tomb made it really clear that they didn’t take kindly to such things. Alas, gotta respect the mass murderer.
True story out of the way, back to my nonsense…
So, anyhow, as I was saying, I clicked on in to Facebook.
What was the first thing I saw?
This amazingly factual story? Essay? Report? about my own Masonic Lodge, the Lodge in the very center of the universe, Seattle’s very own Doric Lodge!
Now, back when I was Master of Doric Lodge, just a couple of years ago, I thought that our biggest concerns were what we were serving for dinner, and did we have enough Scotch. Plus we argued a bit over the amount of dues we all pay.
But, apparently, I had it all wrong!
I learned today that society is organized quite a bit differently than I ever imagined.
Level 1 is the political and celebrity types. You know, Donald Trump and Tom Cruise.
Level 2 are the political parties that control Level 1. (As a former party guy, and as a former aide to elected officials, I never actually saw said control. Maybe I missed it.)
Level 3 is MK-Ultra. Yep, the good ol’ CIA.
Level 4, above the CIA, we’ve got the Army, and all the three and four letter Federal agencies.
Level 5 is the good stuff. Here’s where the power really resides. The guys who tell the Army and the NSA what to do. The Masons! Those evil bastards!
Now of course I’m readin’ this, and I’m thinkin’ “Hot Damn!” I’m already all pissed off at the neighbor who drives by my house too fast all the time, I’ll bet ol’ Doric Lodge can just send a CIA hit team, or maybe the Navy Seals to take his ass out!
But then I think, I don’t even need Doric Lodge to do it. I’m an MWPGM, I’ve got all the power, I’m in charge of everything! I can just call in the Green Berets and tell them to take care of the neighbor guy. I’ve just got to dig around and find the right phone number.
I figure that between the two of us, me up here in the Pacific Northwest, and my RWDGM buddy down in the Southeastern US, we can control this whole country with an iron fist!
But, then I got sad.
I noticed that the writer/lunatic included a couple screenshots of our website. I figure that the other men of our cabal that controls the world might look down on me, because we haven’t really updated that website in a long time. Maybe I’ll give ol’ Bill Gates a call, demand that he do it for us. I’ve just got to look around for his phone number first.
But, I kept scrolling, and my sadness was very short lived indeed!
I discovered that I’ve actually got double the secret power of all the other puppet masters of the world!
Why?
Because this fine investigative reporter actually shows two Masonic Lodges, and the second one is my Home Lodge! Yes indeed, good golly, I’ve got double the power, just like the doublemint gum I enjoyed as a kid! I knew that not asking for a demit from Sultan-Monroe Lodge when I moved away was a good idea!
Then I learned about ‘Front Porch Masons,’ those nice Masons who run cover for us evil buggers, and I read about how ‘white hot rage’ boiled up inside our reporter when she talked to the fellow in the tea shop who told her that he thought the Doric Masons were nice guys.
It all ended, pretty much, with our erection of the big Lenin statue in Seattle. Apparently my Lodge put the thing there as the center of universe wide communist revival or some such. Makes sense I guess, given that Doric Lodge does stand at the center of the universe.
As I close, please allow me to say that you’d better not piss me off, for as the puppet master of puppet masters, I’ll just have to send the reconstituted KGB out to kill ya. (You did watch Rocky 4, yes?) That Ivan Drago is one mean dude!
Satire over, on a serious note:
Freemasonry has faced these sort of insane accusations and conspiracy theories for as long as our existence has been publicly known. There is nothing new in this crazy post from a couple of days ago. Lunatics are going to lunatic.
We tend to get used to it.
But, Doric Lodge really does rent space to a little Tea Shop. A really nice Tea Shop operated by a really nice man. She went into his shop, confronted him about the Masons, and in her own words experienced “white hot rage” when he told her that the Masons he knows are nice fellows.
This kind of thing is dangerous. Not always, but sometimes. We’ve seen Masons murdered for being Masons, we’ve seen Masonic Temples burned because they are Masonic Temples. Here in the US and elsewhere.
I think this is a reminder for us.
It is a reminder that there are people out there who are completely irrational when confronted with Freemasonry, and who are unable to control their negative emotions about Freemasonry. Some of these people are dangerous.
So, when our meetings are over, let’s make sure that we don’t let a Brother walk out alone. Let’s make sure that we are all protected by walking through the dark parking lot together. Let’s make sure that our doors are locked, that Tyling the Lodge is a realistic, not simply a symbolic thing.
And when we encounter a crazy person ranting about our Craft, around our buildings, let’s make sure that we call the police.
Let’s remember to protect ourselves.
MWPGM Bailey,
I did hear that Adolph Hitler came down hard on Masons, since we were a "Secret Society"? No Mason could safely wear a Masonic Pin, or the "Brownshirts" would arrest that Mason. A secret tiny blue flower pin was adopted. If a Mason was discovered, and refused to say who his Masonic Brothers were, he could be imprisoned. At least he wasn't "Drawn and Quartered" like Jacques DeMolay?
In WA, we had a "gun locker" where anyone who was carrying would place his firearm and lock it up, as a past master had demanded no one bring a weapon into lodge (a later master and Marine no longer answering reveille) did away with that nonsense, but the lockers remain. Here in TN, we're rather more relaxed about it, and in fact I was advised that if I ever went to grand lodge, or to the Scottish Rite valley, it would be advisable that I be armed, as those locations were in areas that had fallen on hard times.