Put on events. Require RSVP no later than a fortnight in advance. Turn away those who do not RSVP in time.
Its not just rude to not RSVP. Its a complete disregard for the host's efforts.
Ive said it before and I'll say it again. Freemasonry is full of impolite men with no social manners. They deserve to be blackballed. Literally and figuratively.
MWB Cameron I wonder if this could lead to some productive conversations to aid in re-engaging our Brethren in the Craft, and within our Lodges, as it were.
It seems a shame to watch a handful of Brethren across Lodges carry the burden of duty, only to experience difficulties trying to coordinate what is intended to be a significant and important day for a newly initiated, passed, or raised Brother.
If we aren’t excited to get together to make, pass, or raise a new Brother, or even to hold Lodge… What are we doing, and is it Masonry?
I think you are right, a serious conversation about this in Lodge is in order. I think that the overwhelming number of Masons want to do the right thing, it is just that really bad habits sometimes take root. Like the habit of not sending RSVP's. Likely a conversation as you suggest could help.
But, if it doesn't help, it certainly seems that Bro. Jack's method would be effective.
I believe the lack of RSVP's for events is only one of the communication issues with Freemasons in this jurisdiction. However, this is a huge one and we have to start somewhere. When I have questioned it in the past, I have been told that I should get used to it because this is just what happens. I beleive it when I am told this, but it does not mean that it is destined to continue to happen if we want to make the effort to change it. Like other eroded standards, I believe the standard of responding to an invitation is something we have deviated from over time. This practice has gone on so long that now it is to the point that it has become the standard, the normalization of deviation.
In my experience, I think we tolerate this discourteous and poor demonstration of etiquette because our events are not always well attended so we even welcome a last minute decisision instead of turning that person away because we need their presence.
I agree, this is only one of a great many communications issues we face. And that we need to solve for the benefit of the Craft.
Your point is also well taken, we probably did get used to it because we abhor the idea of ever turning anyone away. An empty Lodge room is disappointing for all.
Failure to communicate, and in particular the failure to provide the basic courtesy of RSVP, has frustrated me to the point of surrender. It's one of reasons that I've decided that I'm going to be a sideliner and nothing more for some foreseeable future.
I guess I've reached the age when I've figured out that I should work only on the problems that have solutions and spend the rest of my time enjoying myself. That's what I think a better man, or at least a practical man, would do.
I certainly can't fault you for stepping aside because of this. It makes organizing anything about a thousand times harder than it needs to be, and that is extremely frustrating.
I wish I could say that I was proactive on this issue. The fact is that other life forces arose and shifted my priorities. So I didn't decide to step aside as much as I decided not to find a way to jump back in.
About a year ago I did decide that the financial culture of my lodge, that I had spent more than a decade leading and fostering, wasn't really a culture if it was overly dependent on my management, so I announced that the lodge had a year to figure out how I could step out of the lodge "CFO" role. Then our daughter announced that she was expecting our first grandchild so we bought a condo in San Francisco to be closer her now-growing family. (He arrived about 10 days ago and we're in SF right now). We plan to split our time between San Francisco and Seattle, so it's not practical for me to take on roles I can't fulfill. I'm confident that my cable tow was pulled in the right direction.
Having responded to these forces I've reflected on what I'd be doing if these changes hadn't occurred. I've gain clarity about the things I had been doing and I think the answer is that I would have kept doing what I was doing. I think I did a good job and made meaningful contributions to my lodge but in doing so allowed others to coast in my wake. That denied the upcoming generation of learning the benefit of service to the lodge.
So communication and RSVPs are certainly important, but are we deficient in these areas because of rudeness or is it because the same small group of brothers keeps setting the table for everyone else? Why bother RSVPing when the same small group will handle everything and still happily greet all comers?
>>>About a year ago I did decide that the financial culture of my lodge, that I had >>>spent more than a decade leading and fostering, wasn't really a culture if it was >>>overly dependent on my management, so I announced that the lodge had a year >>>to figure out how I could step out of the lodge "CFO" role.
This is extremely wise.
When I became a GL Officer I was able to get a fuller picture of Lodges in our Jurisdiction than I would have had otherwise. And during that time, I saw something that I won't forget.
We had two Lodges, not near each other, that were really thriving. Going very well, and appeared to be very strong.
But then, in both cases, someone died.
And it turned out that the someone who died was the guy doing absolutely everything in the Lodge. They were the organizers and the glue. Almost immediately following those two deaths, those two Lodges collapsed. Neither exists today.
In better news, huge congratulations on your Grandson! That is wonderful!
I think you'll find that to be a truly wonderful experience. And, you'll get to think up all sorts of things to do with him! It's fun with kids, because they get so excited so easily.
I've also run into that time and again, especially setting up a degree. I would ask the brothers what roles they want, or assign them based on past degrees. I would type it all out, and email everyone involved asking for any form of acknowledgement, and...crickets. Why can't you spend 10 seconds to click rely, say "OK" and click send? I've spent a lot of my own personal time organizing and typing up it all, the least you can do is respond.
I recently received a package of items from a deceased brother's family that contained several masonic items. Along with his white leather apron there was a small collection of pins, his life membership award and several other documents.
One was in a sealed envelope addressed to the brother from his lodge, informing him of his acceptance into the craft and that his EA degree was scheduled on such and such a date.
A sealed envelope.
This was in 1961.
But as I contemplated that, I began to think about how much harder the secretary's job must have been in 1961. No computers. No email. No mail merge. And this was back in a time where masonry was booming. The letter was hand typed on an old typewriter. Can you imagine how much effort that would take at dues notice time especially when a lodge would have 100s of members? Holy cow. Secretary's today have it so much better.
I guess that the final straw on this one for me, and hence today's rant, is the fact that I was getting complaints about Brothers not getting to do the roles that they want. So I made it possible for everyone to do exactly what they want, sent notices (with the assistance of the Secretary) talked about it in Lodge, and still crickets.
And yeah, the Secretary's job must have been amazingly time consuming in the old days! In Centralia we still have the machines that the Secretary back then used to address the envelopes.
Heather and I partly solved this by selling tickets (Valentine dinner, Mother’s Day lunch).
$10 tickets gave us a reasonably reliable RSVPs. Masons paid, wives did not. Buyer gets raffle tickets or a $10 Lodge match on dinner (when we went to a restaurant).
We had some push back, tickets being heresy and all, but we didn’t care. By then we’d had enough of non-responders.
Not sure how to apply this to regular weekly or monthly dinners, or to setting up degrees.
The ticket idea is solid. I'm aware of a Lodge in Seattle that has had success with it. But, I don't know how long it took them to overcome the resistance!
Tickets also solve the second problem I've experienced, guys who RSVP but then don't show up.
At Centralia we have done tickets for our events that cost a lot of money (our catered steak and cigar dinners) and that seems to work out well for that, I presume because everyone understands how much money is on the line.
I can't believe that even a PGM has this issue. That's a little concerning. However, it really makes me feel better knowing myself and others Worthy Brothers are not alone in these frustrations. For that I am grateful. 🙏
It is really important, I think, that when we leave a Masonic office, we return (as our ritual calls for) to the quarries. My Lodge after my term is much as it was before my term, and I think that's probably as it should be. I don't want to wear the fancy apron and jewel all the time, and I don't want to be called MW all the time. Some do, I don't, and I don't think that I'm alone in that.
“we return (as our ritual calls for) to the quarries.”
That term has always driven me nuts. As if I’m not in the quarries right now… 🤨 Perhaps I’m in another area of the quarries, but I’m still working for the betterment of the craft, just like our Brothers are at the Lodge level.
I don't disagree, you are working for the betterment of our Craft now, just as I was as Grand Master.
But, I don't think this snippet really is designed to detract from that. At least now how I read it. (I will confess, I may well be reading it wrong.)
I see it as a reminder that when we leave office we need to leave the haughtiness of it behind as well. We both have known Masons who get pissed off if they aren't introduced as Worshipful Brother, or Very Worshipful Brother, or Most Worshipful Brother. Dropping that attitude is what I think the line is trying to communicate.
At its core, we are all Brothers, clothed in a white lambskin. Some Masons, some Masonic leaders forget that and some even seem unable or unwilling to mingle beyond their own circle. I think that's trying to be communicated by that line too.
Yeah, I’m thinking that both of us are not wrong. We just look at it from different points of view.
I totally agree with your analysis of the term. We’ve both seen Brothers who’ve held Grand Lodge level positions who were quite pompous about it. Particularly a few decades ago. Fortunately it’s not nearly as prevalent as it was in that day.
Maybe it’s the way I look at my position, as a resource who assists all the quarries in the state crank out the Ashlars. And you as well, as the General Superintendent of the regional quarries for a time. Perhaps there’s a better term for concluding a Grand Lodge term and refocusing your Freemasonry at the Lodge level.
Agreed, we just see the term from two different perspectives.
And, I agree 100% with you that the pomposity is much less prevalent now than it was years ago. I remember being rather disturbed by how extreme it seemed when I first became a Mason. Guys who put on those attitudes now seem a lot rarer.
I still remember a former GM who was officiating a Masonic funeral. He instructed all of us to show up with our white aprons and gloves. An admirable call, let’s all honor this brother on the level.
In the UK you serve one year in an office so you all ways know that you are doing that one office all through the year. The year after you should get the next job up. And as for food you must book 📖 in to eat some times a week Ahead. Now if you book into eat and turn up you still have to pay.
Here, in many Lodges, like mine, the man installed into a particular office might not be the fellow who plays that role in the conferral of Degrees. Just using myself as a quick example, I rather enjoy the role of Senior Deacon during Degree conferrals, and people seem to think that I do a good job of it, so more often than not, I end up doing that part during a Degree, no matter what office I might hold.
Over here if you are installed in a job that's what you do for the year. Most lodges will not put you in a job if you can't do it.And if you were like YOU SD moving around the lodge floor with words to say they would not advance you into that role. So the only time you wouldn't do that job is if you were sick. I have seen people have to stay in the same job for two years because they have not learned the next job up
I presume that is the ideal here as well, but as our Lodge memberships have grown smaller and smaller, many Lodges don't have the manpower to actually confer Degrees on their own (or use that as a convenient excuse) so many have to go outside of the Lodge to get help.
Ok I see what you mean now but on the whole over here a lodge would use it own people but if on the night someone went sick or couldn't make it someone else might help us out
So who buys the food and what if no one puts any money in the pot who pays? Over here dinning is part of the evening and is always after the lodge room. So as I said if you booked to dine and you don't turn up you still pay and they will chase you for the money so the lodge does not lose money. We pay around £25 a meal so if say 4 guys book and don't turn up we are £100 do that a few times and it soon adds up
If the donations fall short, the Lodge makes up the difference. (That's how it works in most Lodges here anyway.)
In my experience though (My wife and I handled the dinners at a couple of different Lodges for a few years) the donations that come in are generally sufficient to cover the costs.
Once in awhile donations tend to slip, then a gentle, or not so gentle reminder in Lodge to remember the donation bucket takes care of that.
Not many here, but some Lodges do cover the entire meal costs, but those tend to either be Lodges with significant outside income, or investments.
I have a fix, but it requires tough love.
Put on events. Require RSVP no later than a fortnight in advance. Turn away those who do not RSVP in time.
Its not just rude to not RSVP. Its a complete disregard for the host's efforts.
Ive said it before and I'll say it again. Freemasonry is full of impolite men with no social manners. They deserve to be blackballed. Literally and figuratively.
Ultimately you are right. We get this behavior because we tolerate this behavior. Your solution does seem like it would work.
MWB Cameron I wonder if this could lead to some productive conversations to aid in re-engaging our Brethren in the Craft, and within our Lodges, as it were.
It seems a shame to watch a handful of Brethren across Lodges carry the burden of duty, only to experience difficulties trying to coordinate what is intended to be a significant and important day for a newly initiated, passed, or raised Brother.
If we aren’t excited to get together to make, pass, or raise a new Brother, or even to hold Lodge… What are we doing, and is it Masonry?
I think you are right, a serious conversation about this in Lodge is in order. I think that the overwhelming number of Masons want to do the right thing, it is just that really bad habits sometimes take root. Like the habit of not sending RSVP's. Likely a conversation as you suggest could help.
But, if it doesn't help, it certainly seems that Bro. Jack's method would be effective.
Can you voluntell them?
For this Degree, I'll keep nagging, and yes, in the end I'll voluntell them. But often that wouldn't work.
I will never under stand why it is so hard to get our brethren to RSVP. It makes planning an event incredibly frustrating!
Agreed. It's crazy! Every other thing I'm involved with just has RSVP's as a matter of course.
I believe the lack of RSVP's for events is only one of the communication issues with Freemasons in this jurisdiction. However, this is a huge one and we have to start somewhere. When I have questioned it in the past, I have been told that I should get used to it because this is just what happens. I beleive it when I am told this, but it does not mean that it is destined to continue to happen if we want to make the effort to change it. Like other eroded standards, I believe the standard of responding to an invitation is something we have deviated from over time. This practice has gone on so long that now it is to the point that it has become the standard, the normalization of deviation.
In my experience, I think we tolerate this discourteous and poor demonstration of etiquette because our events are not always well attended so we even welcome a last minute decisision instead of turning that person away because we need their presence.
I agree, this is only one of a great many communications issues we face. And that we need to solve for the benefit of the Craft.
Your point is also well taken, we probably did get used to it because we abhor the idea of ever turning anyone away. An empty Lodge room is disappointing for all.
Failure to communicate, and in particular the failure to provide the basic courtesy of RSVP, has frustrated me to the point of surrender. It's one of reasons that I've decided that I'm going to be a sideliner and nothing more for some foreseeable future.
I guess I've reached the age when I've figured out that I should work only on the problems that have solutions and spend the rest of my time enjoying myself. That's what I think a better man, or at least a practical man, would do.
I certainly can't fault you for stepping aside because of this. It makes organizing anything about a thousand times harder than it needs to be, and that is extremely frustrating.
I wish I could say that I was proactive on this issue. The fact is that other life forces arose and shifted my priorities. So I didn't decide to step aside as much as I decided not to find a way to jump back in.
About a year ago I did decide that the financial culture of my lodge, that I had spent more than a decade leading and fostering, wasn't really a culture if it was overly dependent on my management, so I announced that the lodge had a year to figure out how I could step out of the lodge "CFO" role. Then our daughter announced that she was expecting our first grandchild so we bought a condo in San Francisco to be closer her now-growing family. (He arrived about 10 days ago and we're in SF right now). We plan to split our time between San Francisco and Seattle, so it's not practical for me to take on roles I can't fulfill. I'm confident that my cable tow was pulled in the right direction.
Having responded to these forces I've reflected on what I'd be doing if these changes hadn't occurred. I've gain clarity about the things I had been doing and I think the answer is that I would have kept doing what I was doing. I think I did a good job and made meaningful contributions to my lodge but in doing so allowed others to coast in my wake. That denied the upcoming generation of learning the benefit of service to the lodge.
So communication and RSVPs are certainly important, but are we deficient in these areas because of rudeness or is it because the same small group of brothers keeps setting the table for everyone else? Why bother RSVPing when the same small group will handle everything and still happily greet all comers?
>>>About a year ago I did decide that the financial culture of my lodge, that I had >>>spent more than a decade leading and fostering, wasn't really a culture if it was >>>overly dependent on my management, so I announced that the lodge had a year >>>to figure out how I could step out of the lodge "CFO" role.
This is extremely wise.
When I became a GL Officer I was able to get a fuller picture of Lodges in our Jurisdiction than I would have had otherwise. And during that time, I saw something that I won't forget.
We had two Lodges, not near each other, that were really thriving. Going very well, and appeared to be very strong.
But then, in both cases, someone died.
And it turned out that the someone who died was the guy doing absolutely everything in the Lodge. They were the organizers and the glue. Almost immediately following those two deaths, those two Lodges collapsed. Neither exists today.
In better news, huge congratulations on your Grandson! That is wonderful!
I think you'll find that to be a truly wonderful experience. And, you'll get to think up all sorts of things to do with him! It's fun with kids, because they get so excited so easily.
I've also run into that time and again, especially setting up a degree. I would ask the brothers what roles they want, or assign them based on past degrees. I would type it all out, and email everyone involved asking for any form of acknowledgement, and...crickets. Why can't you spend 10 seconds to click rely, say "OK" and click send? I've spent a lot of my own personal time organizing and typing up it all, the least you can do is respond.
I recently received a package of items from a deceased brother's family that contained several masonic items. Along with his white leather apron there was a small collection of pins, his life membership award and several other documents.
One was in a sealed envelope addressed to the brother from his lodge, informing him of his acceptance into the craft and that his EA degree was scheduled on such and such a date.
A sealed envelope.
This was in 1961.
But as I contemplated that, I began to think about how much harder the secretary's job must have been in 1961. No computers. No email. No mail merge. And this was back in a time where masonry was booming. The letter was hand typed on an old typewriter. Can you imagine how much effort that would take at dues notice time especially when a lodge would have 100s of members? Holy cow. Secretary's today have it so much better.
I guess that the final straw on this one for me, and hence today's rant, is the fact that I was getting complaints about Brothers not getting to do the roles that they want. So I made it possible for everyone to do exactly what they want, sent notices (with the assistance of the Secretary) talked about it in Lodge, and still crickets.
And yeah, the Secretary's job must have been amazingly time consuming in the old days! In Centralia we still have the machines that the Secretary back then used to address the envelopes.
Heather and I partly solved this by selling tickets (Valentine dinner, Mother’s Day lunch).
$10 tickets gave us a reasonably reliable RSVPs. Masons paid, wives did not. Buyer gets raffle tickets or a $10 Lodge match on dinner (when we went to a restaurant).
We had some push back, tickets being heresy and all, but we didn’t care. By then we’d had enough of non-responders.
Not sure how to apply this to regular weekly or monthly dinners, or to setting up degrees.
The ticket idea is solid. I'm aware of a Lodge in Seattle that has had success with it. But, I don't know how long it took them to overcome the resistance!
Tickets also solve the second problem I've experienced, guys who RSVP but then don't show up.
At Centralia we have done tickets for our events that cost a lot of money (our catered steak and cigar dinners) and that seems to work out well for that, I presume because everyone understands how much money is on the line.
I can't believe that even a PGM has this issue. That's a little concerning. However, it really makes me feel better knowing myself and others Worthy Brothers are not alone in these frustrations. For that I am grateful. 🙏
It is really important, I think, that when we leave a Masonic office, we return (as our ritual calls for) to the quarries. My Lodge after my term is much as it was before my term, and I think that's probably as it should be. I don't want to wear the fancy apron and jewel all the time, and I don't want to be called MW all the time. Some do, I don't, and I don't think that I'm alone in that.
Hopefully this makes some sense.
“we return (as our ritual calls for) to the quarries.”
That term has always driven me nuts. As if I’m not in the quarries right now… 🤨 Perhaps I’m in another area of the quarries, but I’m still working for the betterment of the craft, just like our Brothers are at the Lodge level.
I don't disagree, you are working for the betterment of our Craft now, just as I was as Grand Master.
But, I don't think this snippet really is designed to detract from that. At least now how I read it. (I will confess, I may well be reading it wrong.)
I see it as a reminder that when we leave office we need to leave the haughtiness of it behind as well. We both have known Masons who get pissed off if they aren't introduced as Worshipful Brother, or Very Worshipful Brother, or Most Worshipful Brother. Dropping that attitude is what I think the line is trying to communicate.
At its core, we are all Brothers, clothed in a white lambskin. Some Masons, some Masonic leaders forget that and some even seem unable or unwilling to mingle beyond their own circle. I think that's trying to be communicated by that line too.
Yeah, I’m thinking that both of us are not wrong. We just look at it from different points of view.
I totally agree with your analysis of the term. We’ve both seen Brothers who’ve held Grand Lodge level positions who were quite pompous about it. Particularly a few decades ago. Fortunately it’s not nearly as prevalent as it was in that day.
Maybe it’s the way I look at my position, as a resource who assists all the quarries in the state crank out the Ashlars. And you as well, as the General Superintendent of the regional quarries for a time. Perhaps there’s a better term for concluding a Grand Lodge term and refocusing your Freemasonry at the Lodge level.
Agreed, we just see the term from two different perspectives.
And, I agree 100% with you that the pomposity is much less prevalent now than it was years ago. I remember being rather disturbed by how extreme it seemed when I first became a Mason. Guys who put on those attitudes now seem a lot rarer.
I still remember a former GM who was officiating a Masonic funeral. He instructed all of us to show up with our white aprons and gloves. An admirable call, let’s all honor this brother on the level.
He came wearing his full PGM regalia.
I admire that! Wonderful example of ethical leadership and virtue.
Thank you Brother. I appreciate your kind words.
In the UK you serve one year in an office so you all ways know that you are doing that one office all through the year. The year after you should get the next job up. And as for food you must book 📖 in to eat some times a week Ahead. Now if you book into eat and turn up you still have to pay.
Here, in many Lodges, like mine, the man installed into a particular office might not be the fellow who plays that role in the conferral of Degrees. Just using myself as a quick example, I rather enjoy the role of Senior Deacon during Degree conferrals, and people seem to think that I do a good job of it, so more often than not, I end up doing that part during a Degree, no matter what office I might hold.
Over here if you are installed in a job that's what you do for the year. Most lodges will not put you in a job if you can't do it.And if you were like YOU SD moving around the lodge floor with words to say they would not advance you into that role. So the only time you wouldn't do that job is if you were sick. I have seen people have to stay in the same job for two years because they have not learned the next job up
I presume that is the ideal here as well, but as our Lodge memberships have grown smaller and smaller, many Lodges don't have the manpower to actually confer Degrees on their own (or use that as a convenient excuse) so many have to go outside of the Lodge to get help.
Ok I see what you mean now but on the whole over here a lodge would use it own people but if on the night someone went sick or couldn't make it someone else might help us out
And don't turn up you still pay sorry
Yeah, now this is the way to do it!
In some lodges over here it's part of your yearly frees so if you don't turn up you have lost your money
It would be a good method. I'm unaware of any Lodge here (save one, and only sort of) that does something similar. Most ask for donations for dinner.
So who buys the food and what if no one puts any money in the pot who pays? Over here dinning is part of the evening and is always after the lodge room. So as I said if you booked to dine and you don't turn up you still pay and they will chase you for the money so the lodge does not lose money. We pay around £25 a meal so if say 4 guys book and don't turn up we are £100 do that a few times and it soon adds up
If the donations fall short, the Lodge makes up the difference. (That's how it works in most Lodges here anyway.)
In my experience though (My wife and I handled the dinners at a couple of different Lodges for a few years) the donations that come in are generally sufficient to cover the costs.
Once in awhile donations tend to slip, then a gentle, or not so gentle reminder in Lodge to remember the donation bucket takes care of that.
Not many here, but some Lodges do cover the entire meal costs, but those tend to either be Lodges with significant outside income, or investments.